You can breathe now (Final)

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Chapter Twenty Five
Title from Cinderblock Garden by All Time Low

This was the first morning since Jack left that I woke up feeling okay, I got out of bed on time, and I got into the cafeteria on time.

Today is the day I will be discharged.

"Hey!" Vic said happily as I sat down beside him, I smiled at him and watched his eyes light up.
"Excited to get out?" Vic questioned, beaming.

I nodded quickly "I can't wait" I said calmly but quickly.

Jonny smiled at me "we'll miss you a lot, Alex" he said gently, I nodded in agreement.

"I'll miss you guys. At least we can all go to the same school once we get out" I said, adding that positive bit. I looked around and saw Josh sitting across the cafeteria, he was looking at us. Josh isn't allowed to be around me.
I understand why he did that though,
And I forgive him.

"Tell Josh I said bye" I said, getting a nod from Vic.

"Are you packed and ready?" Vic asked, I nodded quickly and smiled lightly.
Around twelve I will finally be able to leave, I'm dismissed from all other therapies, last night was my last.
I really can't wait. I felt myself smile just thinking about getting to see Jack, and maybe hug him, or hold his hand.

A few minutes of pointless conversation took over the rest of breakfast and before I knew it breakfast was over, I finished all of my food. And smiled widely at the proud lunch workers I would never see again.
"Hey, guys, be in the hall to say bye to me around Twelve" I said to Vic and Jonny before heading back to my room.

I was allowed to leave wearing anything I wanted, they gave me back my shoelaces and left me alone to get everything in order.
I walked over to my dresser and picked up the painted rock, my ladybug. I smiled down at the small rock that fit in my palm perfectly.


I slipped it in my pocket and began looking through my drawers, making sure I got everything expect for the Blink 182 shirt I was planning on wearing out of the hospital.

As I scanned the drawers something shiny caught my eye, I looked back again and felt my stomach drop.

A pencil sharpener blade laid at the bottom of one of my drawers.
It wasn't mine, but that meant someone previously in this room snuck it.
They checked the bags, our clothes.
It was a tiny blade and I almost overlooked it myself, though.

I reached for it lightly picked it up with my shaking fingers.
When I first started I started with a pencil sharpener blade, it was all I could get my hands on.
But as I grew, so did my need for something more, the tiny dull blades just weren't enough and I moved onto more dangerous tools.
I stared at the shining metal and became fixated.

I need this.

As soon as I thought that, a million bad thoughts flowed into my mind as to what I could do with it, and how I could use it.
I was scared.
I quickly walked out of my room and to the front desk, Nurse Jett who was talking to another nurse saw me and instantly brought her full attention to me.

"Uh, I-I was going through my drawers and I found this at the bottom of one of them.. It wasn't mine I just found it and I wanted to get rid of it. I promise I didn't use it, or anything" I said shakily as I pushed it across the counter as far away from me as I could get it. Nurse Jett quickly collected the blade into the palm of her hand and gave me a gentle look.

"Thank you, Alex, I believe you. Are you alright?" As soon as her gentle voice spoke I felt more comfortable, I let out a breath I was holding in and I smiled at her.

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