You've Lost Yourself

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Chapter eleven.

Title from Actors by All Time Low.

(I'm skipping a full week in the story, so it's starting on the next Friday. Nothing big happens, Alex and Jack talk more, Alex is still friends with the others)

"Have you found out what's wrong with Jack yet?" everyone has asking me, now that he talks to me. Everyone's noticed now that Jack and I are friends, and quite a few patients have asked me about him. I haven't told them anything.

"no" I replied in a monotone voice, letting the second person down today. It's been six days since people discovered Jack and I were friends, seven days since Jack and I actually started talking.

I felt like I was making an impact on Jack, it might be a small one, but he's not been losing points for not participating in recreational therapy, because its mainly activities that we can do together. Jack has been out of his room more this week than I ever imagined.

Jack was in Dr.Graces office, so I was alone and bored, and starting to miss Jacks smile. Everyone was in their own rooms, Jonny and Josh were playing board games.

I couldn't deny that Jack was starting to mean more to me than I expected, and to be honest I was terrified of feeling this way. Jack is funny, he's adorable, he's sweet, and he's only an asshole part of the time, when he opens up and shows me his genuine side, he makes me want to be in his presence forever. It's hard because I know that he will most likely never even like me. Jack is close to perfect, I know I have Vic and the other guys but honestly I think Jack is my favorite person in the whole ward. The whole world even. I hated Jack not long ago but as I realized that he actually did care, it made things a lot better, we've talked about a lot of things. And every night since I came here I've woken up to the sound of his sobbing, It was haunting, and miserable. Crying that hard would wear me out, and he hardly slept at night, you could see the dark circles under his eyes, he always looks ill, even when he smiles he's not really smiling. I've faked enough smiles to know what one looks like, yeah we've honestly laughed but that doesn't make us happy people. I knew he was hurt somewhere, I knew something was wrong, I knew he was hiding it. He was hiding his real problems, he was hiding the good parts of him behind the bad. Out of everyone in here I believe that I'm the only one who's gotten to see the good parts of him. But I've grown to like every part of him.


"What did you do on the last day before you got put In here?" I asked pointlessly, Jack seemed content with my question and he pondered on a thought for a moment before letting his lips tremble in reply.

"I woke up, and I went to school, and I knew I would be here so I didn't bother being productive" he said calmly, I nodded at his answer

"who was the last person at school you talked to?" I then asked, I heard him scoff.

"A guy named Danny..sort of an ex boyfriend" when he said that I instantly became more involved In what Jack was saying

"what was he like?" I asked. There was a long, painful pause and I knew I shouldn't have asked

"he was an ass" Jack said shortly. I nodded and didn't push forward

"what about your last day?" Jack asked, turning the awkwardness over

"I was unconscious for the whole day..three days before that though..I went to school, and I talked to my friends, and I had an okay day. But then I went home, and yeah." I said, leaving silence in the room. The silence was comfortable and there wasn't a part in me that didn't enjoy it, I enjoyed it because the silence was between Jack and I, and the fact that Jack was in the room could only make it better.

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