Remember Savannah

#35 The World That I Never Got to See

It was a week since that mysterious man kissed me. It would be a lie to say I hadn't spent that week thinking about what happened. I knew I needed to let it go. It was just a thing that happened and nothing more. And yet, it had me realizing something. I wanted something different, but it's hard to tell what that meant. All I knew is that I needed to clear the air with Steve. It occurred to me that day, where Steve might be. I found myself at the swing that Steve showed me. Surely enough he was there sitting against the tree which held the swing.

"I knew you'd find me eventually."

His hand reached for mine which I accepted. Our hands held. "I'm surprised it took this long."

"I'm sorry for yelling at you. You didn't deserve that."

"It's OK Steve. It's been hard on you and I realize you have your own way of grieving."

There was a short quiet moment where neither of us spoke but continued holding hands listening to each other's breathing.

"I accepted the job in Scottsdale. They want me to start in three weeks and I was thinking if you were still interested in teaming up with Sabrina you could move out there with me. I'd learn to eventually accept Sabrina as your partner or whatever she is to you."

For a moment, I smiled. It made sense to follow him to the big Arizona City, but something told me it wasn't the right thing to do.

"Steve, I don't know if I can."

He stood up motioning for me to also stand. "I need to show you something. Can you come to my house?"

It turned out, he used an Uber to get here which meant I had to drive him home. Neither of us spoke the entire way until we reached the driveway.

"Margo, once you see what I'm about to show you, you'll understand why I'm so desperate to leave."

This was it. He was about to show the world that he lived in. The world that I never got to see. The small side of him that I saw. Our first stop was the kitchen. Piles of beer and other alcohol products laid all over the floor, the table, and counter.

"The day I first heard that Savannah and Zoey died, I tried drinking myself to death. I became a bit of a closeted alcoholic for a least a few days. Thankfully I'm not drinking as much. But I can't find myself to clean up this kitchen. The memories are painful."

Zoey sat on her highchair as a toddler. Steve and Savannah had just moved in and no longer college students. While Steve was making Spaghetti, Savannah tried to feed her daughter some baby food only she refused.

"Honey. Zoey's not eating. Can you do that thing you do?"

He walked over to his daughter Zoey and made farting noises with his mouth pretending the spoon was an airplane.

"Open wide Zoey." Farting noises ensued.

Zoey laughed like nobody would ever believe and thankfully she ate her baby food.

Zoey's Highchair was still in the kitchen covered with newspapers and beer bottles. Throwing it out would probably be painful as would cleaning it. At that point, I didn't want to see anything more in his house, but I knew I had to.

How do you feel about seeing Steve's World that Margo hasn't seen until now?

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