Connor over the next couple days does try really hard like he said he would...
but
I don't know i just don't feel the same as I did a week or two ago. ever since that one night my anxity has only gotten worst and i zone out more and more as the days go by. I been eating without a fight since the the day of the dream. The nurses think its me
'getting better'
but its actually just me not wanting to cause more problems for others. Feeling like a burden is the worst feeling i could think of at that moment, whoever is taking care of you wont say it but the looks and tones of their voices reveal their real feelings. What even is worst is when
they actually say it!
I feel guilt just by exsiting if im honest.
"Hey acorn ready to go?" Jared asked with a big smile, i stare at it for a moment and I couldnt help but wonder
is that a real or a fake smile Kleinman?
"Evan?" he asked after another moment. Rubbing my eyes i look up at him "Yeah im ready" I mummer queitly
he trucking smiled again I don't know why but it made me uneasy, I became even more uneasy once Connor came in smiling also, I felt like there was some secert they weren't letting me in on.
i hated it. i felt like an outsider as if i was on the outside of a window, just looking in at them.
I was already dressed in come casual clothes. They were mine but they felt incredibly tight.
"come on Hansen we got things to do!" Connor said with a smile. I
nod and quickly get up, the doctor told me to take it easy and i had some damage but i would still be fine but i might get sick more often . " What things?" I could't help but ask wondering.Connor shrugs as if he hadn't just revealed that he had things to do. Jared came up behind him and smacked the back of his neck " Connor you have a big mouth, go warm up the car before you give away the location of Area 51 away" he jokes. Connor does a playful eye roll then leaves with my bag. I couldn't help but bite my lip holding back a little grin, kinda glad they were getting along better now.
It only took me almost dying
.....great
...................i wonder how much better they would've got along if i had died.
I shake my head to remove the morbid thought. My mom wasn't here, she signed the release forms but then had to get back to work, so she left me in the care of as she had put it ' the boys' i honestly thought I had thought it was kinda funny but I didn't laugh. Jared slings an arm over my shoulder leading me out of the room but i couldn't help but take one last glance at my hoslitpe room, It was bare the entire time i was there, the only people who came and visted was Connor and Jared. Mom came in during her breaks but she had to get back to work or go to her night class. I didn't mind her not being able to come I was just glad i didn't inconivnce her or make her have to change her plans. However it did bother me a little how no one else showed, I mean i was glad Jared showed up daily and did his best to cheer me up.
He's a dick but he's my dick, not like that but um er you know what i meant.
Connor did show up at least daily or every other day but even though I was trying to forgive him or well I guess moving pass it but it wads just awkward and I felt like both of us felt unease. Jared and I soon get to the car to see Connor on his phone texting with a smile, he however quickly puts it away as he saw us approch.
"Ready to go guys?"
he asked "Well no we're just going to stand here for another hour" Jared returned playfully then let me into the backseat while he sat in front.
I let out a small sigh and relaxed putting my seatbelt on looking out the window. A smile quickly came to my face when i saw the street that lead to my house, however they quickly passed it. I let out a sigh and just leaned agasint my seat just deciding to let them take me whereever knowingn if i protest they would just be able to convince me to go along anyways. The thing that kept me at peace was the passing trees.
