Breaking free (GxG)

Chapter 2 - Someone to love

"I met someone" was the first thing I told my therapist when I entered her office.

I took a seat on her couch and told her everything about Taylor, from the day we met to the wonderful week we'd just spent together. I told her about how we worked out everyday, how comfortable I felt around her, how I could talk to her freely without being judged.

I also brought up the incident. My therapist was quite in shock on top of being extremely worried about my safety. However, I was personally less concerned about it, Taylor's presence making me feel protected and at peace.

"Are you scared of Justin?", Dr Divetto asked in a soothing tone, probably to avoid upsetting me.

"A lot. He's so unpredictable that I never know how far he's going to take things", I answered truthfully.

"What happens inside you when you see him or talk to him?"

"I transform into a different person. I become stone cold and I feel everything freezing. I just stop breathing and I lose all sense of reason", I tried to explain.

"Do you realize what you just said?", she asked softly.

"Was it wrong?", I asked worriedly.

"There is no wrong or good answer in this room. But you did say that you transform into someone you're not and that's where it all begins."

"I can't help it or control it."

"But you can prevent it", she pointed out.

"I try to stay away, I swear. And not just from him. Since my suicide attempt I cut contact with almost everyone from school."

"Who have you been in contact with?", she asked as she crossed her legs.

"My friend Lisa who called me the night of the barbecue to ask if I was coming to the party but I flicked her off. Then Justin who barged into my house that same night. Oh, and I sent a training program to the cheerleaders this week", I answered truthfully.

"Why did you turn down your friend's invitation?", she asked out of curiosity.

"Because I feel like I need to use this summer to take care of myself. I want to use this time to do things according to my own wishes, not according to what people expect from me. I just want to stop pretending. And also because Taylor was here and I preferred spending the night with her."

"Do you think that all your reasons are related?", she asked and took her notepad to write something down.

"Certainly", I said shrugging. I had no idea of what she wanted to hear to be honest.

"You said Taylor brought up the idea of calling the police concerning Justin. What's holding you back from doing it?"

"He has in his possession compromising pictures and videos of me. Of that night... He blackmails me with them. If I ever get in his way he'll send everything to the media and destroy my mother's career. He'll destroy our life and I know my mom will never forgive me for ruining what she built", I explained and sighed in defeat. I was stuck.

"When was the last time you talked to you mother?", she asked and grabbed her notepad again.

"I'd say two months ago", I grimaced. "She's not aware of anything, not even my suicide attempt."

"Have you ever thought of telling her about the hardships you've been through?"

"She's never gonna look at me the same. I barely see her already so imagine if she learns about all this. She's gonna hate me", I said panickingly.