T R I G G E R W A R N I N G
this chapter contains mentions of death, suicide, self harm and gore.
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Eren could not recall much of what happened during the flight. All he could remember was that he tried to enjoy movies and catch up on some reading, but was unable to because his mind was someplace else, far away and thinking of Levi and Levi only. The thought of him brought him immense anxiety. He felt lightheaded and dizzy the moment they walked out of the plane and had to hold onto his mother's arm for support. He couldn't tell whether or not the rapid trembling of his body was born from the coffee, nerves or even both. He was geographically closer to Levi now, and the thought was enough to send his heart off running at full speed. He was hungry for his presence. After all, he had been starved of it for more than a year, and his body had long forgotten how to act. Like an old, battered toy, he was being put to use again. It had been some time since he had ever been excited and scared while waiting for something or someone as if all of his first times had been wiped out and he was starting all over again on a clean slate.
They took an Uber to Eren's old address, as he was surprised he could even remember after all that time. It had been stuffed in the back of his mind and then found again. It was weird being home again, his actual home. He recognized the sidewalks and parks he and Levi had walked through together, like every inch of this city was painted with memories what they used to be. When Eren thought of the memories they created together, he used to think of it as an art museum. Now, it was a graveyard with imagery and long-forgotten words of love and passion buried six feet under. Nothing had changed yes everything felt too different. The sound of the car's tires against the pavement was numbing to his ears, and he couldn't keep still in his seat as he looked through the windows and tried to pinpoint even more memories to certain areas and things like their favourite coffee shop and the therapy office. The sun was setting. The splash of fiery coral and glowing amber was sponged upon the sky like a bewitching piece created by some unearthly being. The faint remaining light of the sun seeped through the window panes and gradually began to dim down. Eren could hear airplanes in the distance, something he began to associate with loneliness, goodbyes and his own misery filled doom. He absolutely detested the sound, wanted to block it out in any way. He would rip out his ears if he could. It was a depressing sound.
He didn't realize they reached the apartment until the Uber driver informed him that they were at their destination. With shaking legs he stepped out of the car and nearly tripped. He was too much in a rush to take his belongings with him, so he fumbled for his wallet and slapped money (probably too much compared to what the driver actually charged) into the driver's hand and sped off into the building, leaving his mother staring after him as she removed their bags. She couldn't be angry at him for his behavior. She was sure she would have reacted the same way if she were to not see her husband for more than a year.
Eren stomped up the stairs after zipping through the tiny, moth ball scented lobby and pressed the elevator button to the third floor over and over again even though he knew that clicking it harder and faster would not make a difference. His heart beat was in his ears and he was freezing but his heart was aflame and ready to burn the whole building down with all of his supressed emotions and thoughts. He was almost convinced that the world around him would be set aflame. He was just about to scream to release stress when the elevator made a high pitched dinging sound, sending him off to sprint down the familiar hallway. He wanted to thank whoever designed the building for making passcodes instead of using keys, and luckily the six-digit password was one of the useful things he could name on top of his head. He punched in the numbers and messed up a few times, adding even more to his stress. A chorus of swears fell from his mouth as he struggled to unlock it, knowing that Levi was in there. He wanted to see him, he needed to see him. Would he be sleeping? Would he be awake? Would he even be present?
