The air seemed to sting his lungs and throat as he slowly inhaled and exhaled, taking his time to remember the last time he really went outside to enjoy something so simple like breathing.
It was one of those days where it was both sunny and rainy, neither hot or cold, and those type of days were always his favourites. The burning rays of the sun shines through the droplets of water was beautifully breathtaking, and it felt so nice whenever they dripped onto his skin like warm honey.
He wore his pair of sweatpants that he had been wearing for he past two days and a ratty hoodie with a logo of some old cartoon he used to enjoy as well as a beaten pair of black crocs he had purchased from the local dollar store. At first, he questioned his fashion choices and then he remember he didn't care. It had been a long time since the last time he had ever cared about something so ordinary.
They attached the new pet to a shiny, red leash and Eren as well as Mikasa both silently laughed when he excitedly splashed around in the puddles or yapped at anything that was moving. It was adorable seeing something so small and furry being so full of energy and excitement.
"Have you thought of a name?" Mikasa asked him and did that side stare that everyone seemed to give him nowadays.
"Hmm, I'm not too good at giving names," he stated and then paused thoughtfully. "Let's name him Bean."
"Bean? Why Bean?"
"Because he reminds me of one," Eren told her.
"Well, I guess it's a name that suits him well for his size," she said with a shrug. Then, she changed the subject. "So, how have things been for you? You don't need to tell me if you're not comfortable, but I do worry about you quite a bit."
"The same as always." Today he decided he was being blunt, because there was no use in trying to hide anything. "I'm empty, Mikasa, and when someone is empty for so long they go numb and then they sadly start to get used to it. So I guess you can say I'm feeling pretty normal, because this is normal for me now."
"Oh, Eren..." she trailed off miserably, like she was sharing the pain with her brother and as if she could feel it.
"It's alright," he reassured her. "I told you; this is normal."
"This isn't alright. Eren, you know it pains me to see you this way," Mikasa said in a gasp- like voice, like she was drowning and couldn't keep her head afloat.
"I'll be like this for a while, I know that much. Hopefully you don't have to see me like this for too long."
"I just want you to get better and I want to help you achieve but I don't know how." Mikasa seemed frustrated and angry at herself.
"I love you, Kasa, you know that but can we not speak too in depth of this topic right now? We're supposed to be walking my new dog not discussing matters about my deteriorating mental health," Eren joked and even allowed himself to grin, something he practiced and faked very often nowadays.
Mikasa shook her head silently and looked down at her mud- stained white sneakers before meeting Eren's eyes again. "I'm sorry this happened to you."
"And I'm sorry I decided not to tag along with you, mom and dad that fateful night. I'm sorry for not locking my windows even though mom told me to but I was a lazy piece of shit. I'm sorry my life is falling apart. We all have things were sorry for, and unfortunately I'm sorry for everything." He was rambling at this point, forgetting that he was with Mikasa and that there was a man sitting on a near by bench secretly listening to him. Although he was looking away, Eren knew why. At that moment, Eren prayed internally to whatever god existed and asked why the hell he was cursed with such bad luck.
