Idiot Boss Tales (one page stories)

The meaning of (working) life

My morning routine is pretty standard. Alarm sounds, I slap snooze and continue sleeping just like millions of people around the world. In the blink of an eye the alarm goes off again and I pry open one gummy eyelid to peer at the clock. In a semi-comatose sleep fog my mind slowly begins to catalogue the tasks for the day. Alarm goes off one final time and my eyes open to stare at the ceiling as I convince myself to get up.

Usually by this point my brain has found the key activities for the day – industry meetings, research, assessments, papers to write and emails to respond to.

Today my mind was a total blank. Sure, I still had those things to do. But there was an existential overlay to it all: 'What's the point?' Even if my papers were perfect they would just be shipped onto the conveyor of committee cycles – table at next quarter's committee where some filibustering executive would avoid a decision by asking irrelevant questions; the following quarter's committee to table amendments; then add to the project pipeline list and slot into the Finance committee for the next annual budgeting cycle. Presto it's literally next year, the filibustering executive complains the paper is outdated and demands recent data be added for re-tabling at the next committee.

My emails would just be met with responses full of corporate gobbledygook charading as intelligence but ultimately meaningless with the sole purpose of putting the onus on me to reply again.

Industry norms were only acknowledged if they support management's desired outcome. Otherwise the standard line was 'just because everyone else is doing it doesn't mean we should'. Sure, but if everyone is running from a stampeding herd of elephants you should probably start running too.

The same with professional opinions – if it's not what management wants just keep shopping around (and increase the engagement fee) until you get the desired outcome.

All this swirls in my mind. End result – zero motivation.

I finally shame myself into getting up by remembering I had more discipline as a kid during twelve years of primary and secondary school. I will not be a slob (at least not today).

As I arrive at work the office is still half empty. The other half are on Facebook or reading e-newspapers. By late morning the screens have mostly changed to restaurant websites for lunch bookings. By mid afternoon the screens have changed yet again to online shopping and travel sites.

The committee meeting today was cancelled at short notice and now all my proposals are delayed. Meanwhile the entire HR team is in the pantry debating why the water dispenser doesn't dispense boiling water at 100 °C. I overhear the CEO ask his PA to line up for the latest iPhone.

Sigh. I should have stayed home.