Idiot Boss Tales (one page stories)

Introduction

When I was (a lot) younger and before my first real job I used to be in awe of the corporate high flyer. Every other day the papers had a story about some mega deal or an executive lifestyle piece on how jet-setting high achievers manage to step off a long haul flight in pristine condition and head straight to the boardroom to do battle.

I imagined the sophisticated discussions and intellectual sparring between great minds in the inner sanctum of the boardroom that surely took place before important decisions. Hell, if I'm brutally honest sometimes I imagined it was me jet-setting around and making those decisions. I would walk into a boardroom and after a robust debate my executive peers would respectfully concede my superiority. Family and friends would admiringly tell their children they could be as successful as me if they worked hard.

Ha ha.

Fast forward a decade. Dealing with upper management has ripped away my naivety and exposed the reality of corporate management. Careful deliberation by a cultured council? More like a kindergarten complete with denials, tantrums and selective amnesia. Recently at a committee meeting a senior executive didn't want to acknowledge his previous approval of a contract. He turns to me and asks, "Why was the contract executed?"

"Good question, if I recall correctly it was endorsed at the last committee meeting and you approved it," I reply.

"No I didn't."

I pause. "Yes you did."

His voice starts to rise in pitch. "No I didn't and it wasn't even discussed."

At this point I certainly don't want the situation to escalate. However, I feel even less inclined to stall the previous approval and hold everything up. I try to find a middle ground.

"If there are any new concerns I'm sure the committee would be happy to revisit? Otherwise the previous discussion and approval is documented in the meeting minutes we just endorsed."

"Well I disagree!" I can tell he's getting agitated because his neck veins are bulging. Unfortunately I honestly have no idea what he means.

"Sorry but I don't understand - you disagree with the approval? The minutes?"

"Where does it say it was approved?"

"The last page notes 'The proposal was discussed and approved by the senior executive'."

"Well when I said yes I didn't mean I agreed!" By now he's close to an aneurysm but I'm beyond caring. There's probably smoke coming out of my ears too.

"Just so it's clear - when you said 'yes' you meant 'no'?"

"Yes!"

I let it sink in, imagine slapping myself in the face and give up. In hindsight the devilish sophistication of that last 'yes' is mind-boggling.

These stories are just too good to be lost in the sands of time.  This book is dedicated to the memory of these idiots and those of us who endure day after long day.