How Can I Keep Walking?

Complicity

"Sometimes the smallest gestures leave the biggest impact" 

It had been three months since Allen had moved in with Kanda and it couldn't have been any better. On this particular morning, Allen woke up, the white sheets clinging to his small frame, the morning sunlight casting small shadows over Kanda's face who lay perfectly still next to Allen. He couldn't help but take in the sleeping mans face, his lips were slightly parted, his face relaxed unlike when he was awake, the way his hands clung to the blankets that surrounded the both of them in warmth. Allen let a small sigh slip from his body as he carefully took to stroking Kanda's hair. 

Allen let the strands fall from between his fingers, relishing the smell of Kanda's hair, as odd as that sounded, the strands falling back soundlessly to his shoulders. Allen allowed his mind to wander as he absent mindedly stroked Kanda's hair. Allen knew his feelings went well beyond a crush at this point, though he was not yet ready to fully admit to himself that he was in love with Kanda. The thought put him on edge, because he was scared of how much trust he had finally put in someone after years of only allowing anyone to scratch the surface of his small, fragile world.

But the more Allen began to think, the more he realized his world was no longer small, dark, lonely. He had Kanda, and although they had been friends (if that's what you want to call it) Kanda had opened doors and had created thoughts Allen had never once thought of if he had been left to his own devices. Kanda never made a show of telling Allen how amazing he thought he was or how much he cared for him. It was taking his small, fragile hand into his large, warm hand and squeezing it. It was Kanda wrapping his arm around Allen without saying anything when he could tell he was becoming anxious or uncomfortable. It was the soft kisses he woke up to in the morning instead of a loud alarm clock just for Kanda to tell him he could stay in bed for a little while longer so he could make him breakfast. 

And the longer Allen thought about the kindness and care he had been shown from the man sleeping in front of him, the more his eyes began to sting. He could feel his breaths becoming more swallow as he tried to hold in the cascade of tears he knew were sure to stain his pale cheeks if he continued to remember how amazing and easy life had been for him in the past three months. He removed his hand from the tangle of Kanda's beautiful black locks and moved both of his hands to his face as he attempted to stop the cascade of tears that were threatening to wake up his boyfriend. Allen felt the weight of the bed shift but he didn't look at the other side of the bed, he already knew was Kanda awake. 

After a few moments of silence, a hiccup escaped Allen and his chest began to heave, but this cry was different. It wasn't the tears of a boy beaten to half consciousness in his room at three am, it wasn't the cries of a boy broken by the mental strain of his own suicidal thoughts. It was the first cry of his life where he felt relief in letting the warm tears roll down his cheeks, without questioning why or wishing he could pass out to avoid them. Shortly after the first hiccup, he could fell Kanda's strong arms wrap around his still fragile frame. 

He welcomed the contact and clung to the shirt of his protector, barely able to see the fabric of the white shirt being dampened as his tears blocked his vision. Kanda said nothing as he ran his fingers through Allen's hair, his lips carefully laying kisses on Allen's forehead, over the scar above his eye, his cheek bone, his ear. Allen could feel himself begin to cry more because fuck, did he love the man that was holding him and fuck did he want to tell him so badly that he was deeply in love with him. But he chose to continue to cling to the older boy, afraid he would say too much if he were to speak right then and there. 

Eventually the flood gates in his eyes had closed and he was left leaning against Kanda, his eyes closed as he found Kanda's warm had, intertwining their fingers together. This small gesture felt so intimate despite it being so small, something every couple does to each other. Eventually, Kanda spoke, his voice still rough from having been asleep. "S'it a nightmare?" he said softly, his breath lightly tickling Allen's hair. Allen simply shook his head and squeezed his hand. "Was it something bad?" Again, Allen shook his head and he could feel Kanda lean back against the headboard as his body relaxes. "Good. Not that you were crying, but that it wasn't something bad."