How Can I Keep Walking?

Recovery

"There is some good in this world, and it is worth fighting for."

Kanda P.O.V.

Lenalee had gone into one of the spare bedrooms to sleep shortly after Lavi had told them that they could stay the night, leaving Kanda alone to brood by himself in the living room. He couldn't remember how long he had just laid there, looking up at the ceiling, thinking of everything that had transpired through the past three weeks. He knew Allen was troubled, and that there was something not right with his home life. It pissed him off that no matter what they said or did, Allen kept lying to them. Allen claimed that they were his bestfriends but what kind of person can't even ask their friends for help?

Kanda let out a sigh of irritation as he rubbed his eyes, looking at his phone to see that it was now two o'clock in the morning but he didn't have school the next day so he couldn't bring himself to give a fuck how late it got. Kanda sat up, his hair falling over his pale shoulders and bare chest, deciding not to wear a shirt due to how hot it gets in Lavi's house. As he did this, he heard a door open and quiet footsteps coming down the stairs. Kanda turned his head towards the noise but struggled to see due to how dark it was in the house. Suddenly, a small light was turned on in the kitchen and he saw Allen standing in the middle of it. 

Allen's hair was messy, obviously from sleeping and he didn't have a shirt on which showed his small, frail body and Kanda couldn't help but stare. It was always obvious to Kanda with the way Allen flinched every time someone moved too fast that he was suffering or suffered from some sort of physical abuse. Seeing Allen without a shirt had confirmed this. Although faded, his body was riddled with bruises and scars alike. Some scars self inflicted from the look of it, others from an outside force, possibly his guardian? As he thought of the possibilites, Allen's tired voice snapped him out of his trance.

"What are you doing up so late?" Allen had asked quietly, rubbing his eyes as he did so. Kanda sat up further and leaned his back against the couch so he could have a better view of Allen. "I don't sleep very much." Kanda answered simply, crossing his arms acrossed his chest. Kanda watched as Allen nodded to his statement and got himself a glass of water before he started to make his way to living room. Kanda couldn't help but get irriated as Allen did this. "Why the fuck doesn't he just go back upstairs and leave me the fuck alone?" However, his face was the opposite. Expressionless as his eyes were cast downwards, not giving Allen a chance to start a conversati 

He watched as Allen's feet paused for a moment before sitting directly in front of Kanda, using the coffee table as a chair. Kanda looked up, a scowl on his face as their eyes made contact, Allen's face had a soft expression which just pissed Kanda off even more, but he wouldn't give this little shit the satisfaction of knowing how badly he fucked with his head. "Can I help you, Moyashi?" he snapped, glaring at the younger boy. 

Allen's P.O.V

Allen wasn't quite sure what the fuck he was doing, but he knew that he couldn't just let the tension sit between the two of them. He knew he had fucked up by kissing him while he was in the hospital, that's probably why Kanda was being so hostile towards him which he couldn't blame him for. As Kanda snapped at Allen, he couldn't help but fidget, not quite sure what to say. "I.. I wanted to say thank you.. for saving me." Kanda's expression didn't falter as he said this, making Allen more uncomfortable as he realized Kanda was waiting for something else to be said.

"About the hospital.. I'm sorry.. for what I did." his voice was little more than a whisper as he said this and he could see Kanda's body tense as he said it. Kanda's face contorted to an expression of hurt and disbelief but as usual, he blinked and it was gone not giving Allen much time to read his expression clearly. Kanda didn't say anything as he got up, putting his shirt on quickly and Allen watched him, unsure of what else to say but for some reason he didn't want Kanda to leave. Lavi was his boyfriend. "Your boyfriend is sleeping upstairs you piece of shit, you're only alive because of him. You really are a piece of shit." his mind screamed at him.