How Can I Keep Walking?

Social Constructs & Conflicts

---VERY TRIGGERING CONTENT IN THIS CHAPTER--

Allen hadn't truly lost consciousness but oh how he prayed to a God he no longer believed in, that he would eventually fade away into the darkness, the sharp pain from the cut of the knife- forgotten. Allen could hear Cross, pacing in his room, waiting for him to rise from his haziness to maybe.. kill him? He thought to himself. Cross certainly wasn't above murder and Allen was well aware that Cross had ties to the mafia so disposing of an unwanted body wouldn't be too hard for someone like him to pull off.
Allen shifted his body and made a small whimper of pain, causing Cross to turn around and turn on the lights, looking at him with utter disgust evident on his face. "Get up." Cross muttered, obviously drunk, which Allen could smell from across the room.
A

llen slowly and carefully rose from his small nest of blankets that now had blood splatter on them. Cross turned on the lights and grabbed Allen by his hair, dragging him into another room. The pain from having his hair pulled was nothing for what was to come and Allen didn't dare cry out in pain- it was one of Cross' favorite things. Soon enough Allen was slammed into a wall, Cross appearing just inches in front of his face as Allen adjusted to the sudden haziness that entered his vision. Suddenly, Allen felt something cold and sharp press against his neck and his entire being froze, as if he were a statue. He really is going to kill me, Allen thought to himself, trying not to let his tears blur his vision as they so rarely do. But maybe that wouldn't be so bad, then no one would have to put up with his shit anymore. Allen's musing were cut short as a fist connected with his jaw, his vision blurring again and Cross spoke.
"Explain to me why I saw you kissing another boy." When Allen remained silent, another fist struck him, this time hitting his noise with a crack. Allen couldn't tell if it was Cross' knuckle or Allen's nose. He winced in pain as his nose started bleeding and he hung his head.
"I'm not going to raise any fucking faggots in my house." Cross' voice was deeper than normal, Allen chalked it up to being from the alcohol. "If I see him again, and you're anywhere near him, I will not hesitate to fuck you up. Is that clear, faggot?" Allen manages to nod and squeak out a small "yes" before Cross got up, but not before landing a hard kick to Allen's ribs, causing his whole body to be racked with pain as he doubled over in pain.
"I put you in my house, take care of your lazy ass and you turn out to be a faggot. Mana would be just as ashamed and disgusted. You're nothing but a disappointment." Cross would continue to belittle him as he made his way out the front door, slamming it closed behind him.
Allen laid in a crumpled ball, his body shaking roughly as sobs racked his frail body, bruises already appearing as he lay there. He attempted to get up, his arms giving out from under him, causing him to slam back down onto the hard wood floor, blood quietly dripping from his nose. Allen's mind raced as his vision became blurry with tears, the warm orbs of water falling over his face.
Why can't I die? Why do I put up with this? Allen couldn't stop his mind from being flooded with images of the many ways he could be dead, all with his own hands, all within his control, at no ones mercy but his own. Allen held onto the Bannister and pulled himself up, limping into his room as he began to search his drawers, for anything- everything.
Allen's hands brushed over something sharp and he quickly pulled out a pair of scissors he had long forgotten about. He made his way into the bathroom with nothing but the scissors, his phone and a strong resolve for finally taking charge of his own life. Free from the reigns of anyone else. His tears continued to cloud his vision as he turned on the water for the tub, sliding down onto the floor where the tile was cold and inviting.
He picked up his phone and dialed Lavi, knowing he would pick up even though it was so late, his sobbing having yet to subside, his voice was shaking. Eventually, he heard the other line pick up, Lavi sounding tired but completely attentive to what Allen had to say, making Allen feel all the worse. "Al...? What's up..?" Allen hiccuped and he heard Lavi shift from the other end of the phone. "I-I'm so sorry.. I've done nothing in my life for you to be so nice to me. So I'm sorry for what I'm about to do, I'm sorry.." Lavi went to say something he hung up. Hearing what Lavi had to say or Lavi asking him questions would be too much for him.
Allen slipped into the tub, throwing his phone away from him, the small plastic item causing a ringing throughout the seemingly still house. Allen opened the scissors and without a second thought, pressed it to his wrist as hard as he could, running it across his veins, causing blood to pour out over him and overflow into the tub.
Allen quickly switched hands and continued the same motion to his other wrist, screaming all the while. He wasn't screaming because it hurt, he was actually numb to everything around him. He was screaming his frustration, his sorrow, his lack of reason to live as compared to his friends who was always burdening. Allen sat in the tub, watching his blood pour out of him like it was water flowing into the ocean, and it was.. flowing right into his death bed. His vision began to blur, his body becoming colder and colder as he slipped further into the water and away from consciousness. Eventually.. his vision became black and he slipped under the water completely.

****Lavi's P.O.V.****
Lavi was speeding way over the speed limit but his mind kept screaming at him. Lenalee and Kanda were so much closer to Allen's house but he needed to know. He needed to know what was wrong with Allen and why he couldn't have just come to him sooner.
"Why doesn't he tell us anything?!" Lavi yelled as he came to a screeching halt. Right as he got out, he caught a glance of Kanda kicking the door open in one go before sprinting inside. Everything was a blur.
Running inside, seeing the blood on the floor, and.. his world stopping. Lavi stood frozen as Kanda pulled Allen's lifeless, bloody body out of the tub, clutching him to his chest like a doll. A peaceful, fucked up doll.
Lenalee called the ambulance end again, the world slammed Lavi right back into reality. The sirens, the blood, his lover.
Lavi was broken as he watched the ambulance take Allen's body away from him, further and further away from the warmth that Allen knew, but further from the pain he suffered. Everyone piled into Kanda's car to follow the wailing sirens into an uncertain future.

--Author's Note--
Hey guys, sorry it's so late? I'll post another update later next week. For now, let your imaginations wander!