How Can I Keep Walking?

All For One

"I avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward."

Allen P.O.V.

Between school, fearing of Cross' return, and dealing with Kanda and Lavi, time had flown by and eventually, they were starting their spring semester. This meant that Kanda and Lavi would be graduating at the end of May and Allen couldn't help but feel a little lonely at the thought of Lenalee being the only one he would have left inside the concrete walls of that school. Beside that, Kanda had decided to let Allen come over to his place but like... inside. For the first time! Which is where they were on their way to right now. 

Allen must have been staring out of the window for a bit too long, lost in thought, because Kanda looked over at him. He could see some semblance of worry in his expression and Allen smiled at him. "Don't worry so much. I was just thinking about how dirty your place probably is." Allen said playfully which earned a scoff from Kanda who turned back to look at the road. "Tch. Everything about you is messy. From how you eat to the way you make your bed." Allen felt more relaxed as he teased Kanda, some of the anxiety escaping him as he relaxed into his seat. 

Soon enough, they pulled up to Kanda's house and got out at the same time. After Kanda unlocked the door, he opened it and let Allen step in first which he was grateful for, since it was starting to snow outside. As he walked in, he took off his shoes and began to take in his surroundings. It was smaller, but that's because only one person lived there. Kanda had a small living room set up, the walls bare with the exception of a TV mounted on the wall and he had brown leather couches that looked a bit faded from age. His floors were covered in carpet and Allen smiled to himself. He couldn't see much more than that but there was a staircase that led upstairs. 

Kanda moved passed him and put his bookbag on the kitchen counter, motioning for Allen to do the same. As he approached the counter, Kanda pulled out a pan from a cupboard and put it on the stove. "You're hungry, right?" Kanda asked without looking at him. Allen suddenly felt embarrassed as he removed his coat. "Was my stomach really that loud?" he asked, almost to himself. 

"No, you're just always hungry." Allen could hear a hint of amusement in Kanda's voice but he was grateful that Kanda was looking out for him. He quietly sat down and did his homework as Kanda was cooking, painfully aware of how comfortable he was becoming with Kanda. "Just a few months ago, he called me a faggot.. and he was constantly doing or saying things to piss me off. So why does being around him make me so comfortable?" Allen thought to himself, stretching as he yawned. As he looked up to watch Kanda, he saw that Kanda was already looking at him, which made him blush.

"What are you staring at ponytail?" Allen asked, a bit caught off guard. He could see Kanda roll his eyes as he handed him a plate of noodles and leaned against the counter he spoke. "I was going to ask you about boundaries." Kanda said simply, his eyes still trained Allen, making him squirm internally. Allen began to eat and was pleasantly surprised at how good the food tasted. He took his time eating, thinking of what Kanda meant by boundaries. Kanda didn't pressure him into an answer, which he didn't mind. As he finished his food, he looked back up at Kanda. 

"By boundaries, what exactly do you mean..?" Allen asked, wanting clarification before he said things he might regret. Kanda took his bowl and began to clean it as he spoke. "I mean, what is okay with you in terms of the physical. We're dating now, so I want to know how far is too far for you. Obviously you're comfortable sleeping in the same bed as me. You just tell me what's okay and what's not, no explanations needed." As Kanda finished drying the bowl, he turned to look at Allen again. He could feel his throat start to burn but he wasn't quite sure why he wanted to cry at such a simple question. 

His hair covered his face as he began to speak, his voice shaking but only slightly. "Well uhm.. I don't think I'll be comfortable with anything.. sexually.. at least not for awhile. Yelling makes me uncomfortable so if I ever make you mad.. please don't yell.." Allen stopped, glancing up at Kanda who had a focused expression, fixed squarely on Allen which made him feel embarrassed. "We can hold hands, kiss, cuddle.. All those things are fine. I'm still self conscious about my body so.. I probably won't change in front of you at first.. I think that's it." Allen nodded to himself as he finished.