How Can I Keep Walking?

Wheels

"Childhood should be carefree, playing in the sun; not living a nightmare in the darkness of the soul."
----------------

It's okay. Allen thought to himself as he was retreating to his room. I'll just get in the shower and then I'll head out for school. Cross was going to be passed out by the time he was done but he decided to go through the back door instead, just to be safe. He didn't need another suprise attack.

Allen made it to the bathroom as he stripped off his white button shirt that was soaked with his blood. Next he kicked off his slacks and shoes to the side, he re-wear those, he didn't get blood on them. He stepped into the shower that was ice cold, but he didn't mind, neither did the bruises that riddled his body.

After a good 10 minutes he got out and pulled his slacks and boxers back on, walking to his room. Through the years, Allen memorized every step of this house. Where it made noise when he walked, where it didn't, how much pressure he could put on each place. He always needed to be quiet, he didn't want to upset Master Cross.

He tried to clear his mind as he stepped into his room and slipped on a long sleeved sweatshirt. It had to be long sleeved. He didn't own anything with short sleeves. As the years went on, he quickly learned that 1. You can't hide bruises with short sleeves. And 2. No one ever really questioned it.

There are so many things Allen has yet to understand. Why he lost Mana at such a young age, or why he was even still.. breathing.. Allen could feel it coming. The panic attacks that he so dearly hated was coming to bite him in the ass.. again. He raced down the stairs, not caring of Cross heard, but if Cross heard him crying, it'd be even worse. He grabbed his bag and fled from the house, running until he was at least a block away before he was able to stop. He slumped onto a nearby building and he hugged himself, wishing the world would just go away. His breaths came in short, quick pants and his body began to shake as he held himself. He knew his friends would be there soon but he wasn't able to straighten himself up after this morning.

He had a bruise on his jaw and a cut on the bridge of his nose. In his mind, he began searching for excuses he hadn't used yet. He was positive his friends didn't suspect a thing even though he was a terrible liar.

After coming up with a reasonable excuse he heard footsteps nearing,but he didn't look up. He already knew who it was.

Immediately the laughter that followed the group stopped and suddenly their footsteps sounded louder. It's okay. He thought to himself again. Everyone lies every now and then right? But alas, that logic never occurred to him. It was his best friends, so what was he was so damn afraid of? You're pathetic.

Suddenly a strong pair of arms were around him and a soft hand ran through his hair. He looked up to see a blurry looking Lavi Bookman, and a worried Lenalee. "Allen, what happened? Did someone say some shit again? I swear to god!" Lavi sounded irritated and worried as he held him to his chest. Lenalee just glared at him sternly but her expression got soft as she looked back at Allen.

"You look a bit banged up.. was it those guys from before?"
If she keeps looking at me like that, I'm going to crack.. Allen couldn't bring himself to speak, to lie, to his best friends so he simply nodded. Technically, he wasn't lying. Someone did beat the shit out of him.. it just wasn't multitudes of people as he had suggested in the past. He felt Lavi sigh, the way his breath left his lungs and made a smoky cloud in the November air.

"Do ya wanna skip today? We could go see that movie we were talking about the other day and then go get something to eat?" Allen simply shook his head and weakly got to his feet. "Lets just go to school and do our best okay?" Allen said with his famous I'm totally okay but I'm breaking inside smile.

Hesitantly they nodded and they walked on either side of him. The bleeding on his nose had subsided and he was starting to feel a bit better as they walked to Kanda's house. Kanda was his friend but.. not. They didn't get along and he's pretty sure he only spoke to him because of Lavi and Lenalee, who he fought with, just not as much or as intensely. They knocked on the door and after several minutes, he made his entrance, looking as grumpy and unsociable as usual. In silence, they made their way to school. Kanda had a car, but said that we would kill the interior with our disgusting habits, so therefore, they walked. Was a hell of a lot better than riding a school bus.

He could feel Kanda's gaze on him but he didn't say anything so Lavi spoke for him. "It was those fucking guys again. They got Allen when he was walking to school." As he was talking, he pulled a cigarette from his pocket and lit it, taking a drag before handing it to Kanda. Kanda didn't look too convinced. "Again?" He said, raising an eyebrow in suspicious.

Allen became tense as they kept walking. "Why haven't we seen them? What, do they just kick your ass and run away? They have to be looki-" an elbow in the stomach shut him up, which Allen was thankful for having a fearless Lavi around. Kanda was silent for the rest of the walk to school.

The greatest thing about being friends with some of the most popular kids in school, is that no one messed with you. And if they did.. well that was pretty much the end of their social careers. Lavi was the valedictorian of the Senior class, but he's a lot smarter than just some stupid school title. He was more sociable by all means, and he had dirt on everyone. So that was one way. Kanda used brute force whenever needed; he hasn't lost a fight yet. Lenalee's talent came in the form of manipulating others.

Basically gaining their trust and ripping them apart from the inside out, figuratively speaking, of course. So Allen never had much to worry about. He was an openly homosexual male who had 3.. okay make that 2 1/2, of the best friends he could ever have. Home was hell, but his friends were his real family. All their homes had been wonderful, even Bookman who was strict, was still kind to Allen; sometimes letting him come over at odd hours of the night because Allen was having "nightmares" mental breakdowns.

But.. even with all these good things that had come into his life, there was a shadow of uncertainty in his life. Allen, who had overcome the impossible, could not possibly overcome the demons that he hid both at home, and under his shirt.

----A/N----
Until next time!