How Can I Keep Walking?

Stubborn Tendencies

"Sometimes, even to live is an act of courage.."

(If you want to get a real feel for this chapter, listen to Unsteady by X Ambassadors, click the little speaker! It'll play as you read!)

--Kanda's P.O.V--
Kanda was driving the car, no one spoke a word of the horror they had just witnessed. Lenalee's soft sobbing was the only thing that could be heard in the car but the tension was tangible. When Kanda had gotten a call at 2:47 in the fucking morning he would have never expected it to be this fucking serious.
The only thing that was keeping him going, a reminder that this was real was the fact that he had a mixture of water and blood soaking his chest, hitting his skin like thousands of small bullets. Allen's blood, his mind whispered over and over again. 

They pulled up to the hospital, everyone practically falling out of the car as they desperately tried to get inside, to see what would happen to their friend.
All they knew so far was that Allen was pronounced dead at the scene which was a slap to the face and punch to the gut for Kanda. They were able to revive him but not by much, his body was on the verge of giving out due to blood loss. Kanda's mind flashed to the image of Allen's lifeless body, razor marks that were torn so deep into Allen's fragile arms.
Kanda slammed his hands onto the cool counter of the nurse's station, dark bags stood out against his porcelain skin with a scowl on his face. "When can we see Allen Walker?" He snapped, not caring that his temper was frightening the petite, blonde nurse who stood behind the counter. "A-Allen Walker was just put into our system.. I can't tell you his treatment as you're not family.. b-but he should be out of surgery and into recovery in 3 to 4 hours sir..."
Kanda scoffed as he turned around, roughly sitting on one of the uncomfortable fucking hospital chairs. He rested his face in his hands, his palms pressing against his cheeks. He could hear Lavi whispering soothing words to Lenalee but he couldn't be bothered to listen to them. His mind kept replaying the call, the drive, Allen's body and the way the paramedics ripped Allen's small, lifeless body from his hands.
Kanda thought of the bruises that seemed to shine like neon against his all too pale skin. His jaw clenched as he replayed the events that seemed to take hours, but only took a little under 15 minutes to play out.

-small flashback to that morning-
Kanda had been having blank sleep, as always. Because of this, it was never hard for him to get up or for noises to rouse him awake, as sleeping was not something he enjoyed doing. His phone began to ring and he cracked his eyes open, squinting at the bright light of the phone and scowling at the caller ID. He picked up but before he could say anything, Lavi's panicked voice came through the receiver and sent a jolt through his body. "Kanda listen to me. I think Allen is trying to kill himself. He called me and apologized and then hung up and now he won't fucking answer."
As Lavi spoke to him Kanda was hurriedly getting dressed in the clothes he had worn the day before as he grabbed his keys. Lavi lived about 10 minutes away while Allen was just down the block from Kanda. "I'm driving there now. I'll see you then." He hung up, jumping into his car as he hit the accelerator, taking off down the street.
Kanda's mind was racing as he hit the brakes in front of Allen's house. He could see car lights and hear an ambulance in the distance as he sprinted across the street. From the corner of his eye he could see Lavi and Lenalee emerge from their cars but he wasn't going to wait. He kicked the door open and bound up the stairs taking them 2 at a time to see a closed door at the top of the stair case. Again. He kicked the door open and his heart dropped, all the blood in his veins seemingly turning to ice at the sight before him.
In the tub, Allen's head was barely above water and the water in the tub was clouded with shades of orange and red. As he got close enough to pull Allen out he saw his wrists and he felt sick to his stomach. He quickly pulled Allen out and held him to his chest, putting his ear to Allen's chest to hear a heartbeat but.. he didn't hear one.
Kanda squeezed him tightly and looked back at Lavi and Lena before the paramedics came in and Kanda quickly relayed to them that he had no pulse or heartbeat. For whatever reason, when the paramedics took Allen away from him, he felt anger flare up in his chest. Never had he ever wanted so badly to keep something, for no one else to have it but him. In that moment, Kanda felt Allen was his and wanted to protect him. He stood up quickly and walked out, as they put Allen on a stretcher and carefully brought him downstairs.
They had successfully resuscitated him but now it was a race to see who could get to Allen faster. Either he would succumb to the wounds or the doctors would save him. They all piled into Kanda's car before they took off after the ambulance.