my first and last // chensung✓

eighteen | maybe, just maybe, it's toxic

❝ there are more chances. ❞

lee donghyuck | friday, september 14.
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DONGHYUCK KNEW HIS and mark's relationship was complicated.

the two weren't exactly in an official relationship, but they had been in some sort of a relationship for just over a year. they acted like a couple, they did things that couples did, but it was different. they hadn't even actually confessed to each other, things just happened.

they fought all the time. it wasn't just little misunderstandings, either. most of the time it could get pretty bad. there had been a few instances where one of them would ignore the other for a period of time. hell, one time donghyuck refused to talk to him for over a week because he thought he wouldn't be accepted back.

donghyuck, to be honest, knew he loved mark. in fact, he was flat-out in love with mark. that's just how it turned out.

but sometimes, donghyuck really questioned if the feeling was mutual.

of course he knew mark had some sort of feelings for him, as whatever they have wouldn't have gone on for so long if he didn't. he felt like the older didn't really think of donghyuck's feelings and how serious they were, or that he just didn't care. they were neglected a lot. he also felt like mark only kept him around because he was there for him. this was all in a 'relationship' sense, they had been best friends before this all started for quite a while, but that's what affected him the most.

in donghyuck's mind, he was annoying and clingy. he needs some type of affection or someone to be with to feel cared about or to not feel lonely. he hates doing things and going places alone and always does his best to take mark or renjun with him. he talks a lot and goofs around, and he has a sarcastic and sassy sense of humor and personality.

in donghyuck's mind, he was over-sensitive and impulsive. he was a ticking time bomb. he gets hurt way too easily and takes some things too far. if he's hurt or upset, he'll do whatever comes to mind. as a way to retaliate he uses insults and destruction and it always hurts him more in the long run. he often pulls the silent treatment as a way to punish himself. he'll blow up, and his emotions change in the matter of a millisecond.

in donghyuck's mind, he was unattractive. that's not just physically, but it is meant in a few senses. he's very insecure, constantly thinking he's overweight or ugly. that he could do better. he believes his voice is annoying and loud, his choice of language was rude, and he doesn't do anything right. everything he does and will do,

can be done better.

lee donghyuck can name a million reasons as to why mark lee shouldn't and probably doesn't love him.

laid across mark's queen bed, wrapped in the elder's hoodie while warm kisses were glued to his neck, the one and only hovering on top of him, he couldn't help but wonder.

why?

they were back to their games. making out, playing pretend, fighting once again. currently, they were in stage one.

it went like this in donghyuck's memory:

stage one: make out. this all started when you two made out at a party, why not go back to it? you may not want to half of the time, but that doesn't matter does it? it's not like you can resist his lips or his eyes anyway. you'll have fun covering your neck for the next week.
stage two: back to the normal relationship. except it's not. you have a good time tangled up in the middle of the night, or stealing innocent kisses and watching disney until you start to wonder if he really loves you.
stage three: fight it out. he'll hurt your feelings, you'll hurt his feelings, and then you'll hurt your own feelings. for an hour, for a day, for a week, all you can think of is him. mark lee, mark lee, mark lee. either you ignore him or he ignores you, but where is this getting you? oh, right. stage one.

a pang of memory ran in front of his eyes and he remembered what chenle had said a few days ago. before stage two hit, while mark was still blinded by donghyuck's lips, he needed to ask. he needed reassurance even if it was false.

"mark," donghyuck mumbled. the latter hummed, detaching his lips from his neck and looking into donghyuck's eyes.

he needed reassurance even if it hurt him.

"you're mine, right?"

"i'm yours."

and as mark replaced their words with another rough kiss, donghyuck pushed his pain away. he was willing to do anything for mark.

like before, he was dangerously in love with mark lee. be it toxic, his love is all he needed.

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a/n:

yikes. i promise mark is not !! a bad !! person !! their relationship is a huGe thing that i've been thinking about, and this chapter made me decide that yup! i'm writing a seperate book for them. markhyuck is going to develop a l o t so please look forward to the book!

makatea-