my first and last // chensung✓

twelve | performances + anxiety

❝ there won't be another you. ❞

zhong chenle | sun, august 26.
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CHENLE'S HEART WAS going one million miles per hour.

he was pacing back and forth in the small area they had backstage where the audience was unable to see you. his hands were trembling, breathing shallow and anxious. he could feel his face warming up gradually, a cold sweat breaking down his forehead.

one... two... three...

chenle counted slowly in his head in an attempt to calm himself down. his nerves were getting the best of him.

"where are they?" he mumbled, fiddling anxiously with his fingers, his tie, his hair. he was slowly starting to feel faint. his mind was running in thirty different directions, yelling out things such as 'you're going to fail' and 'they're not coming for you.'

chenle felt hands on his shoulders, and through blurry vision he could make out the silhouette of lee donghyuck. he could barely hear the older boy's soft voice. "hey, hey, breathe. it's okay. just breathe."

chenle shut his eyes tightly to push away the tears. he tried to imagine his anxiety attack as a person in the distance, getting further and further. he could feel himself being pulled into someone's arms and a hand brushing his hair back.

suddenly he jumped into reality. a reality where his anxiety was no longer a distant figure and now a part of the near past. he opened his eyes, gasping for air. renjun was quick to hand him a water bottle and helped him up worriedly.

when did i get on the ground?

the six boys watched as chenle easily chugged half of the bottle. he just barely secured the cap and placed it down on a table meant for props that the theatre members used. chenle gave his heart a moment to slow down before he looked up to his friends' calming smiles. he met jisung and renjun's eyes, understanding the message they were sending him immediately. "you can do this."

jeno leaned forward, followed by mark, and held his arm out.

"let's do a cheer?"
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chenle could feel his pulse through his fingertips as he made his way to the grand piano. it was set in the middle of the large stage, with a microphone set up by the bench. he held his head high, walking with a determination to seem like he was as confident as ever. the yellow lights pounded into his skin, heating his face up more than he'd like to enjoy.

he scanned the audience as he walked and spotted his friends by his mom. they were on the upper left of the stage, sending supporting waves and fists. he smiled, now nearing the piano.

it was silent as he sat down. he felt nervous, pressured by the eyes on him. he adjusted his suit jacket, sitting straight up on the piano bench. stretching his fingers over the black and white keys, he took a deep breath.

the performance went well.

chenle sang his heart out and suprisingly his fingers never slipped off the keys.

afterwards came the regular 'being congratulated by people he'd never met as if they knew each other their whole lives.' his friends and mother immediately pulled him into hugs and kisses, yelling about how he had done so well while everyone else had been 'boring.' chenle listened to them with smiles and laughs, thanking them after giving out seperate hugs.

he felt two arms wrapping around his torso as well as a familiar scent rising and he giggled. jisung rested his chin on chenle's shoulder.

"you did amazing, lele."

chenle held onto the younger's arms and leaned into the warmth, watching as his mom conversed with some random stranger and his friends beat each other up. he thanked jisung quietly.

"you wanna get out of here?" jisung nuzzled his nose into chenle's neck.

the chinese boy felt his heart skip a beat and he ignored it, pushing his questions to the back of his mind. he let his eyes close.

"of course i do."

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makatea-