Recluse

Chapter 16

6 hours.

6 hours.

6 f.ucking hours I have been driving aimlessly around this horrid town. Checking every single possible nook and cranny that Jeff would have dumped Niall off at. No sign of him anywhere. I checked every single inch of the cemetary and every single inch of the forest beyond that. I previously assumed that Jeff would leave Niall in that forest behind the cemetary to die, so he could make it look like Niall killed himself or something. But nope, I was mistaken.

I checked the other set of woods behind our house. I checked the sketchy ghetto side of our town. I trudged through muddy fields and ducked into shaded alleys that smelled of illegal drugs.

I checked all of those places and more. No sign of him anywhere. 

So about 10 minutes ago, I parked my car in the parking lot of Mcdonald's and have been sobbing into the steering wheel ever since.

I truthfully don't know what else to do, or where else to look for him. Every second he hasn't been with me has been destroying me more and more. I love that boy more than I can handle. No, actually, I'll go as far as to say that I am in love with him. And it is absolutely killing me that he's in pain right now.

But you know what also hurts? I feel f.ucking selfish. Because most of me is selfishly hoping that he's still alive, even though at this point, he's been suffering for far too long and it may be better for him to  be dead.

The sad thing is, I know I should hope that he's dead, so that he isn't suffering. But that's not what I actually am hoping. 

I. Am. Selfish.

And I am dying inside because he's dying on the outside.

There's a fire inside of me that just wants to keep looking for him. But there's also a tidal wave of doubt threatening to put out that fire. I'm not sure which one's winning. 

While I sit in that car of indecision, sobbing my eyes out, I realize that someone actually is looking out for me, someone I've been treating like dog shit lately. Because that's when my phone buzzes.

Through my vision blurried with tears, I look down and read the recent message flashing across the screen:

Look to your left.

I look out the window immediately and I'll admit, a true smile does appear on my face.

I roll down my window and Brett leans closer towards me through it, a mischevious smirk playing across his lips, "Miss me, sweetcheeks? 'Cause I actually really have missed you."

I don't reply with words. i grab him through the window and pull him into a tight hug. My tears quickly stain his white t-shirt, "I've missed you too. I'm so f.ucking sorry."

"Whoa, that's okay. I understand why you were so upset. You loved that kid and it was sort of my fault that you weren't allowed to see him, 'cause I got paranoid and told your parents all those bad things about him..." Brett trails off, running a hand nervously through his hair.

"Brett... I love you so much, i'm so sorry. i really have missed you." I blubber into his shoulder.

He squeezes my shoulder and lets out a light laugh, "Madison it's only been a week since we've talked."

"A week too long."

He lets out another laugh, agreeing, "True, true."

He pulls back from our tight embrace and stands facing me, "Anyways can you tell me why you're parked in the Mcdonald's parking lot sobbing your eyes out at 2 in the afternoon?"