Counts Daughter (Avengers fan fic)

Chapter 24 Home

Alena's POV

Seeing my old room brought tears to my eyes. It hasn't changed a bit. They kept it clean and kept Saber alive. Oh Saber she stopped eating she got sick she nearly died. They saved her for me and she immediately perked up when she saw me. I picked her up, kissed her, and hugged the life out of her. Not literally of course. But now hours later when everyone's asleep I start to think. Elizabeth Lucy is sleeping with me in my he'd and Natasha is on the floor. She didn't want to leave.

Well anyways I feel like somethings missing. Don't get me wrong I'm so glad to be home and happy to see everyone again. But I'm like an old toy now. The toy you lose when your a child, then years later you find it again, your so happy and glad but eventually the happiness fades away. It's replaced by dismay at realising playing with the toy will never be the same again. It's been lost you've been looking but finding it makes you wish you didn't. It's a different toy now it's......broken.

I'm broken I'm a broken toy. I'll never be repaired. I may move on and get over what happened. But I won't forget it. It'll always be apart of me. Now matter how hard I try to suppress the memories they stick out. The memory of the experiments, and Alex they've jarred my mind. I can't not think about them. Like the one flower in a bouquet that sticks out because it's red and the others are green. You try to look at the green ones but you can't not look at the red one. It demands to be seen and you just can't stop yourself. Eventually you throw the red one away but bouquet goes along with it. Taking away one flower ruins the whole arrangement. You can't take one flower away like you can't take away one memory. It just doesn't work.

I can't sleep not now probably not ever. I'll never get another good night's sleep again. The nightmares his voice hits touch haunt me every time I close my eyes. My skin crawls whenever someone touches me even Natasha and E-Lu. I keep thinking their his hands. Resisting the urge to not flinch away gets harder and harder every time. But I did flinch away from Clint, Nick, and Phil. They looked hurt but I think they understood. With Natasha and Elizabeth I feel safer because.......well I don't know. I just know I need to get clean.

I crawl out of bed and walk into the bathroom. Once I'm in I lock the door and start running water. Minutes later I'm sitting in hot water scrubbing my skin raw. My skin is red and bleeding but I don't stop. I can't stop. I cans till feel his hands and the needles I can still feel them. I have to get them off.

I don't know when I started sobbing or when Natasha broke down the door. But I do know I'll never be the same.

"Why did you do that? Alena your bleeding did you even notice. Your skin can't take that." Natasha tries hard but can't keep the anger out of her voice. "Please don't do that to me again. I was so worried" Natasha hugs me.

"I cans till feel them. The needles, his hands I can't still feel them. I want them off mom. Mom make them go away. Every time someone touches me I think it's him or them. I can't take this" I wail. Natasha doesn't say anything she just let's me cry into her shirt and holds me close.

"It's gonna be okay I'll keep you safe now."

"Don't make promises you can't keep" I mumble.

"I'm so sorry Alena. I tried so hard kind you. I failed at keeping you safe. I failed at the one promise I made to you. For that I'm the sorriest person on this world. I would promise not to let that happen again but I can't do that. But I can promise to take precautions and try to prevent what happened from ever happening again. I'll even teach you hand to hand. I won't leave you defenseless again."

"Okay" I mumble.

"Oh Alena I missed you sooo much. When I heard you were gone my whole world fell apart. I didn't think I'd be able to handle losing another person I love. I'm so glad your back. I want you to stay with me forever." We were quiet for a good long while after that.

"Mom?"

"Yes"

"Can I go back home?"

"What do you mean you are home."

"I mean the home I grew up in."

"Can I ask why?"

"I just need to. I think it may help heal me if I can just see it. I won't take anything but a memory. I-I-I just want to heal."

"Alright I'll see what I can do" Natasha yields.

"Thanks" I whisper and drift off.