Almost There

- 43 -

After Miguel closed the door, Tess stood where she was. She had thought that breaking things off with Miguel would fix everything. Things with Isaac had gotten complex because of Miguel—removing him from the equation should have made everything better.

So why did she feel so numb?

She turned slowly away from the door, looking around the empty kitchen, in which the warm, garlicky scent of the pasta they'd had for supper still lingered. In the sink, their rinsed plates were neatly stacked, and their water glasses stood on the kitchen island, condensation beaded on the outsides.

Tess drifted toward the island, reaching out to pick up her phone. She unlocked the screen.

[ISAAC] hey babe

[ISAAC] 

Phone in hand, Tess walked out of the kitchen and made her way to the living room. A single reading lamp in the corner was on, but the room was otherwise dark. She flopped onto the couch and sat there in the gloom, trying to figure out how she felt.

Something unexpected that Miguel had said kept playing in her mind.

Be careful, because this guy sounds pretty controlling. I hope you feel safe with him.

She thought of the night in the parking lot with Isaac. He hadn't laid a hand on her that night, but his words and his actions had made her afraid—so afraid she hadn't wanted to ride home with him.

Then he had kissed her and had told her he loved her. And afterward, when they'd talked about it, he'd been so apologetic; he had known that he'd behaved badly. Didn't that mean he'd treat her more kindly in the future?

Especially now that she'd dealt with the problem?

Tess caught sight of Julia's portrait from across the room. She let out her breath in a shaky sigh. She wished she could talk to her sister. Julia had been young, and sometimes she'd been idealistic and had made choices with her heart instead of her head, but she would have known what to do.

***

"Tess?"

"Hmm?" Tess flopped down onto the couch, a brimming bowl of popcorn in her hand, and reached for the remote. It was a Saturday night in the fall of Tess's sophomore year, and the sisters had started a weekly movie night tradition, taking turns to choose what to watch.

"Have you ever been in love?"

Glancing at her sister, Tess raised her eyebrows. At 15, Tess had had her share of crushes, but her experience with boys had been limited to friendships at school and awkward conversations on class trips. "Um, that's random. Why?"

"There's someone at school I really like." Julia smiled. "Someone I think I love."

Julia's choice in movies for the evening suddenly made sense: two happily-ever-after romcoms, which were not Tess's cup of tea. They'd be way better than the musicals Julia usually selected, but still...Tess gave her sister a curious look. "Oh."

"So? Have you?"

"I don't know, Jules. I mean...I have liked a few guys, sure, but I don't know about love."

"Hm. Then I guess you haven't been in love."

Rolling her eyes with a laugh, Tess pressed the button on the remote to start the movie. "I didn't know you had such experience with relationships, Julia. Maybe you've been watching too many movies. You're only 12—what do you know about love?" What, for that matter, did Tess know about love? Half of the time she felt like the world of relationships and dating was something she wouldn't ever understand.

Julia was unperturbed by Tess's lack of faith in her. She gave her sister a knowing look and said, "I know one thing: when you're in it, you'll know it. Without a doubt, you'll know."

***

Tess's phone buzzed, breaking her out of her memories. She unlocked it again.

[ISAAC] ur quiet tonight

[ISAAC] everything ok?

[ISAAC] that tutor cant still be there its 9:30

Tess tried to muster a response. She looked at the GIF of Fez from That 70's Show. Seeing it didn't make her laugh; it didn't make her happy. It made her feel hollow and sad. She set her phone aside and leaned back on the couch. There was homework she still had to do, but she couldn't seem to find the energy to get up.

She sat there letting the time slide by, uncomfortably alone with her thoughts.

The sound of the garage door startled her; it was quickly followed by the creak of the door opening and the rustle of her parents' coats as they came in. Her mother's voice echoed down the hallway. "Tess?"

"Hey, Mom," she called.

"Oh, good," her mom said in a normal voice; Tess heard her passing through the kitchen. "I was afraid she'd forget to put the pasta in the fridge. You hungry, honey?"

"No, no," said Robert. "Just coming in for some water."

The two of them clattered around in the kitchen for a moment, and then Tess's mother came into the living room, her cheeks still pink from the cold outside. "How was your session with Miguel?"

Tess sat up. "It wasn't good. Mom?"

An expression of concern crossed Clarette's face. "Yeah, baby? Is something wrong?"

"Yes. Actually, yes, it is. I need to talk to you about something."