His Queen | Book 1

Fifty Three: There Is Hope

She can't bear to be here anymore. Not without Loki by her side. Her one joy and reason for living in this world. Not without hearing his voice, his corny remarks and silly tricks he used to play. Everything they did for each other. She is lost in the world now. Surrounded by all these people. She is Alone.

She eyes Thor on the balcony and makes her way to his side. She doesn't say anything. He is leaning against the railing gazing out across the realm. A red cloak adorns his shoulders and in his crossed arms he holds a chalice.

"What is her name?" she asked.

"Jane." he said. "Jane Foster."

Sigyn leaned over the railing with him, crossing her arms over her body. "And what was she like?"

"Beautiful and smart." he described her. "Too curious for her own good and brave. A woman of science. She happened across me too many times to be coincidence."

"Perhaps the fates crossed your paths for a reason."

"Perhaps."

"Do you love her?" she questions.

Thor now turned to look at Sigyn. "Yes."

Sigyn dropped her eyes and the sadness cannot be hidden anymore. Her mouth drops and her eyes wield all the sorrow of the worlds. "I miss him, Thor." she cried. "I cannot bare it any longer to be here knowing that he is gone. The people celebrate you, yet they hold no pyre for their second prince."

Thor nodded.

"I am nothing now. A widow. I am not their princess anymore."

Thor put a hand to her shoulder. "If there is one thing I am sure of, you will always be their princess. You always have been from the moment you set foot into Asgard. They love you, Siggy. You have the peoples heart. And if they should argue otherwise they will suffer my wrath."

"Thank you, Thor, that is very kind of you."

"But I feel empty now. Loki at least filled that giant hole inside me where Narvi was absent. Now, there is nothing inside me. All but a little space for Vali."

"If that is how you feel, what will you do?"

"I don't know."

The gods fell silent for words as if Hoenir himself put a finger to their lips. They enjoyed the company for a moment. Thor's shoulders sagged with an exhale and Sigyn adjusted her footing. "I can't imagine why Loki would do something like this - I mean, I can." he corrected. "He's the god of mischief, whatever, he plays trick. But nothing as bold as this. I just..." Thor tried to find Sigyn's gaze. "Don't understand."

"He wanted to be acknowledged by his father and brother. He wanted to destroy the enemy of the Aesir but needed a reason. He planted a coup with the giants and let them into Asgard." she explained. "I didn't want to believe it at first either. Suffering in your shadow and when he discovered the truth about himself he was lost. He was lost and he had no one to help him. He didn't know where he belonged and in his heart he knew that this was his home. So he tried to destroy Jotunheim in hopes of forgetting the monster he was raised and and taught to hate."

"I'm sorry, Siggy. For what I did on Jotunheim. I bought Vali in danger. I put all my friends in danger, I realise that now. My time on Midgard has shown me a lot of things. I have grown up in my short time among the mortals."

"I dearly hope so." she looked across the gardens. "One day this will all be yours."

Sigyn returned to her chambers very shortly after that. The deafening silence left a ringing in her ear. She looked around her large and empty chambers and she felt small and alone. Without thinking in her grief, she tidied up the place. Set the cushions back. Dusted off the mantle, made her bed and stored away her clothes properly.

In the centre of the wardrobe is a pedestal which Loki's helmet rests. She caressed the helm as it lay without an owner. It's cave empty and barren. She picked it up with her hands and brought her forehead to it - closing her eyes. The cool metal stung her forehead.

For the thousand time, she tried again. She reached out with her hugr. Stretched far and wide and searched for that tiny piece of a link that would let her through to Loki. She tried time and time again and always it came back as nothing but darkness often leaving her exhausted.

Zing.

A tiny crack which she slipped through and that connection exploded inside of her. Her heart leaped into her throat and she gasped.

And just as quickly as that tiny little connection happened it was gone. Cut off and she felt a thousand miles away from Loki. She was shut out and forced away and thrusted back into her own mind. She stumbled nearly dropping the helmet. She quickly sat it back down.

Sigyn burst into tears. Dropping to her knees, she cried on the floor of her wardrobe. HE WAS THERE. There is hope! She felt it for a millisecond. He was there. She is sure of it. But it was for such a tiny amount of time it felt like a zap and it was gone.

She tried to find that small line of connection again and again, and each time it felt like someone was shoving her away. Pushing her back into her mind.

A breath escaped her.

She stopped searching. It was useless. Whatever that was isn't happening again. Is he really gone? Is that way she cant reach him. Sigyn rubbed her temple as a thumping headache came on. It pounded behind her eyes and made her empty stomach want to throw up.

"Why?" she cried. "Why do you torture me?" Maybe Sigyn would get an answer back from the Norns. "What do I do? What do I do..."