You Raise Me Up (Artemi Panarin)

35| Moving On

Valerie

Four weeks. I've been here for four long weeks. I'm kinda getting discouraged about all of this. I kinda just want to go home and live with this disease I once thought didn't define me... but now I'm not so sure. It has taken so much from me, it's given me so much pain and heartache. It has already ruined all my chances I've had to be a kid and even a young adult. Even if I get cured now it's kind of like "what's the point", you know? Getting cured can't get me into high school, can't take me back to when my grandparents were alive so I could see them for once. It wouldn't change what's in the past and that's what makes it so hard. All the stuff I missed out on. Can't go to a bar on my 21st birthday or rewatch the Fourth of July fireworks. I've missed out on so much and I can never have those things back.

For a little while I was filled with so much hope, so much desire to get better. I had dreams of one day seeing the world from atop the mountains of the world. To be looking down instead of up for once. To not be looking out the window but be looking out my eyes onto a beautiful scene. I thought that I could get better and be able to get married to Artemi. Be somewhere far away from everything, just us and our friends and family. I would be in my white dress and him in a tux, he always looked so incredible in a tux. We could have some kids and give them the life they weren't able to have before. We could make the craziest dreams, then turn them into a reality simply because we can.

But I'm not so sure anymore. I felt great, but I don't know how many times I can undergo procedures and tests, I felt like a test dummy. Every time the doctor explained what was happening I sat there more confused than I ever been. Eventually I just told him to stop telling me what's happening because it was making me so confused. But I'm more than ready to go home, ready to move on with my life and find any sense of purpose that is left for me.

I sit with my family in the hospital as we played a nice and friendly game of uno. Artemi watched because he had never played uno before and we were doing a great job of showing him what not to do. After getting shushed at least three times we finally settle down and Artemi joined us. He was kind of a natural at this stuff. He made Travis draw 12 at one point and I've never seen the mans face so red. It was great.

"Hello everyone" my doctor says as he walks into my room.

"Good morning" we all respond at once and kind of laugh about it later. We were back to the point where it was so obvious we were spending too much time together. Like we were all trapped in a house together again.

"I have some amazing news" he claims and I raise my eyebrow.

"I could use some amazing news" I admit.

"You... Miss Valerie... are now on officially cured of your disease" he smiles and I feel like my world stops.

I look around the room to see if I was dreaming or not, but it was so still I couldn't tell. But there was a real tear in my eye as I turn back to the doctor as he smiles at me. I let his words sink into my sink in as I try to comprehend what he just said.

"You mean... I don't have that disease anymore" I whisper.

"Not a trace of it. I know you've been tired of everything we've put you through these past few weeks. It's hard when you don't know what's happening or why it's happening. But we wanted to make sure that you weren't just cured but you were going to be able to live a happy life. We fixed the medication so it won't damage your organs anymore and your body can still produce antibodies to keep you safe. You can still get sick, you're not invincible, but it will be harder to fall ill and if you do it won't kill you.

So in all senses of the matter, Valerie Walker, you are cured" he explains.

"Oh my god" my mom whispers as I turn to her. She had tears on her face but it was barley noticeable with the biggest smile sitting right under them.

"I don't know what to say" I admit.

"Well we're going to keep you here a day or two more just to be sure, so you have some time to process this and we are positive you're free to do as you please once you leave. Then as soon as you walk out those doors you're a free woman. I would exercise some precaution, but there's no limits as to what you can do" he explains.

"This is incredible" I whisper. "Thank you so so much. I'm honestly speechless" I insist.

"That's a first" Travis says and I glare at him.

"I know of one thing that you always seem to say" my doctor smirks and I laugh.

"Thank you Drew" I smile and he laughs.

"It was a pleasure getting to know you, Valerie" he insists.

"The feeling is mutual" I smile.

He leaves the room and closes the door behind him. The room stays silent as we all try to process what in the world just happened.

"Valerie" Artemi says and I turn to him.

"Yes" I whisper.

"I told you so" he says and I giggle.

"Really? You're going to do this now" I ask.

"Yes. Only because from here until your forever you are able to do anything and everything you want. So I gotta say it now" he smirks.

"Come here" I insist and he walks over to my bed. I pull him into a long kiss and I can hear my family causing a scene behind me.

"I'm so proud of you" he whispers.

"I couldn't have done it without you. So many times I fell and I didn't want to get back up. I was beyond ready to throw in the towel and call it quits. I was willing to leave this place no different then when I came here. But you never let me be anything less than what I was meant to be. You supported me and made me stronger. You raised me up to be more than I can be, and I'm finally there" I say.

He smiles down at me as he rests his forehead on mine. I hold his muscular arms in my fragile hands as we sat there together.

"I love you so much" he reminds me.

"I love you too."