You Raise Me Up (Artemi Panarin)

15| Heart and Soul

Valerie

"Come one Rafiki! It's time for a video" I coo as the little dog jumps off the bed.  He follows me into my living room were the camera was set up. I like to record in different rooms so it's not so predictable. It's not like I can go places so switching rooms is all I got.

I start up the video before grabbing Rafiki and sitting on the couch. I do my usual introduction before introducing my awesome new dog.

"A lot of you guys have been asking when Artemi and I are going to have a kid. Well I'm happy to say... that we got a dog! He's named Rafiki from the monkey in the lion king and he's the sweetest thing ever. Anthony and I are going to take really good care of him and love him and make sure he's happy" I explain.

I set him down and he curls up on the couch next to me. I turn back to the camera and let out the longest sigh.

"So I've been asked a bunch of times about giving out some relationship advice and for the longest time I swore I wasn't going to speak on it. I mean what do I knew about relationships? I didn't have my first real boyfriend until I was 23 and I'm still not really sure what I'm doing. What I'm doing wouldn't be like anything you guys are doing.

I can't base my relationship off of what you guys say because it's not the same. Artemi and I's relationship is very real but very unique. We can't casually go on dates or just do things without thinking. Everything has to be cautiously planned out and we hear the word no a lot. We have our own issues, like how long he can be over at a time or what I'm supposed to do with myself when he's gone for a long time. But I honestly wouldn't change a thing about our relationship. I have tons of heart filled letters from him and great memories that might not mean a lot to many people but they mean the world to me.

And I realized that I can give advice on relationships, because even though mine with Artemi is different than everyone else's, the bottom line is we care for each other. Through thick and thin we will always support each other, he's my biggest fan and I'm his. We still have a very healthy relationship even if it's not what we wanted.

And every healthy relationship starts with the brain. I know, you were expecting me to say the heart. But the heart is tricky. It can manipulate you to make you believe you're in love when you're not. I can break when it shouldn't and stay strong when it needs to break. The heart is a confusing organ that I don't think you should listen to all the time.

I think you should listen to your brain, it's the most complex and astound thing you will ever own. Fill it with beautiful memories of you and your partner. Your mind and your soul is what's going to get you through hard times. If you were meant to be with this person your brain would never trick you into thinking you're not, not like your heart can. And love is very important in a relationship, but so is communication and understanding.

Follow your heart, for it will lead you to some amazing places. But listen to your brain, for it knows what is best. Don't let your head get foggy, remember that it's not always going to be good. But use the bad to appreciate the better. Everything happens for a reason and use that big beautiful brain of yours to work it out, don't act irrationally. You can't take back what you say or do so make sure whatever it is that is happening, you want it to happen.

And that's all the advise I have for today. I'm going to spend the rest of the night watching the Blackhawks play the Wild so email me or send in your stories and some questions that I can help with I hope my relationship advice works well for whoever needed to hear that and you get to learn a thing or too.

Until next time, this is Valerie and thank you for putting up with me. Bye!"

I edit the video and get ready to upload it but decide to wait another day. It hadn't been too long since my last video and I didn't want everyone to think I can consistently make these, because that's a lie.

So I decide to put the game on and cuddle with my dog on the couch. Artemi was in the middle of a really long road trip but he was close to being back. I guess it was okay that we didn't see each other all that much because when he left we still face timed or called each other like we do here. But I do miss him randomly showing up or finding some lame excuse to come over. I miss being in his arms and him running his fingers through my hair. He was a great guy and I loved having him around.

About halfway through the game I see my phone go off and see it was my mother. We usually talked on Monday's, Wednesday's and Saturday's, but for some reason she called on this Tuesday night.

"Hello" I answer.

"Hey sweetie, how are you" she wonders.

"Good I guess. I feel better but the doctors still aren't so sure what's wrong. They're not too worried since I was feeling better but my numbers are still off" I explain.

"Well I'm happy you're at least feeling better. What are you up to" she questions.

"Watching Artemi play hockey and cuddling with Rafiki" I admit.

"I can't believe he got you a dog" she admits.

"Yeah, me neither. But I love him" I insist.

"Artemi or the dog" she asks and I freeze.

I knew I loved Artemi, but I never said it out loud. I've had a letter I've written to him a million times expressing my love for him but I never gave it to him. I feel like he deserves better than a letter but I also don't think I could get all the words out when the time came. I would look into those big blue eyes and the words will get stuck in my throat. I would swallow them no matter how bad I wanted to speak.

"Hello" my mom asks and I shake my head.

"Sorry. I forgot what you asked" I admit.

"Do you love him" she asks again and I smile.

"Yeah, I do" I admit and she starts to squeal.

Since I didn't have many friends, and even fewer lady friends, my mom was my best friend. She was extremely over protective and almost the opposite of me, but I loved her so.

"Is there a reason you called, besides invading my person life" I ask.

"Not really. Just wanted to see if we were still on for Christmas and if Artemi would be there" she says.

"Christmas is still on and he's only coming over if you and everyone else agrees to behave" I insist.

"Well Travis' Christmas gift to you is a hockey puck he wants Artemi to sign" she tells me and I roll my eyes.

"Of course" I mumble.

"But I'm for one really excited to meet him. You guys are adorable together" she insists.

"Moooom" I whine and she laughs.

"Alright alright, I'll let you go. Love you love bug" she says.

"Love you too momma."