You Raise Me Up (Artemi Panarin)

9| All of Me

Artemi

"So what does this do" I ask as I look at the IV going into her arm. A clear liquid drips from the bag above her into the tube that went into her arm. It looked worse than it was, but that didn't make me feel any better. 

"This pumps drugs into my body that goes into my body through a central line in my chest. From there it can go anywhere in my body where it needs to go. This liquid stuff kills my old cells in my bone marrow that doesn't work and allows for the new cells that work to transplant into my bones" she explains.

"That's a lot" I admit. I've been trying to wrap my head around everything she has to go through and I have no clue how she does this. She's so freaking strong.

"It's the only way I can get the transplant, and it's the only way I can keep on living" she shrugs.

"Well then I like this very complicated thing" I say tapping the bag of fluids and she giggles.

"Yeah. I guess it's pretty nice" she admits.

"How long do you have to do this" I wonder.

"However long I want to live" she explains.

"I hope that's as long as I'm alive" I admit.

"And not a day more" she smiles.

She finished up her transplant and stays for observation. We listen to the doctor explain how she would come back in a few weeks for the trail treatment she was on and how that one would work. Valerie is letting me tag along to her doctors appointment because she wouldn't be exposed to dangers longer if I got to hang out with her now and I could see how she lives and understand it more.

"What are you doing after this" I wonder.

"I don't know. Probably getting on social media and talk to some people. Check my email and answer some questions people might have" she shrugs.

"Wanna hang out, maybe watch a movie" I ask and she smiles.

"That would be great" she claims.

"Perfect."

After her doctors check her out we head back to the apartment. She pops some popcorn and I go to pick a movie. I've learned that she's seen almost every movie since she has been inside all her life. And she loves so many of them.

"What movie are we watching" she wonders.

"Fifty Shades of Grey" I tease and she sticks her head out of the kitchen. "I'm kidding" I insist and she rolls her eyes. "How about Pitch Perfect" I say.

"I looove that movie" she claims. The second one was about to come out but I haven't even seen this one yet.

"Okay. Pitch Perfect it is" I nod. I pull it up on her tv and she sits down next to me.

She sets the popcorn on the end table and moves in closer to me. She looks up at me to make sure I was okay with this and I smile at her before wrapping my arm around her shoulders. I pull her closer as she smiles back at me. I press my lips to the top of her head, careful my lips hit her hair and not her face. My fingers get tangled in her shirt as I hold her close.

"This is nice" she admits.

"Can I ask you a question" I wonder.

"Sure" she replies.

"Why did you want to be with me? I mean it's not like you had much of a choice, I'm the only guy who's been stuck with you the two years you've been here" I tease and she giggles. "But you could have easily ignored me. Why did you want to be with me" I ask her.

"It's pretty simple really" she claims. "I never looked for someone to come sweep me off my feet, kind of like how I never get my hopes up for a cure for my disease. I know that everything happens for a reason and I can't force anything that wasn't supposed to happen. And although I live a fraction of a life as everyone else, I never doubted I would find the perfect person for me.

Then you came along and swept me off my feet anyway, then nearly dropped me in the process. But in that exact moment it wasn't just anyone I ran into, it was someone who was going to be important to me. And not just because you moved in next door or you're one of the few guys I've talked to recently. But it was the way you looked at me. I told you I was sick and you didn't run away. You educated yourself and you made a effort to talk to me and see me even though you knew I can never be like the other girls out there.

I don't want you to think I'm only with you because you're the only guy who would put the effort in to be with me. I chose you, and I'll chose you every time" she explains.

"You're so wonderful, you know that" I ask.

"I'm not" she blushes.

"You're that and so much more.

I know we've only officially been together for a little over a month and this isn't what most expect from a relationship, but I love it. I love getting up in the morning and going to my door to see a letter with my name written across the front. I love when you cook food and the whole floor smells good and you always let me crash your dinner. I love watching your videos, every time you say my name I get chills.

I don't want fancy dates or to spend a lot of money on things I will never remember. I like when I get done with a game and you tell me that you're proud of me. I like when I go out and people ask me how you're doing because they know who you are and you're so awesome that they care about you too. I like that you risk so much just to be with me.

I don't want a normal relationship. I want you, all of you" I insist.

"And you have me, all of me" she smiles.

We turn back to the tv and start the movie. We eat popcorn and sing along to the songs we know. Halfway through the movie I look down at her and just smile. I think about what she said earlier, how everything happens for a reason and there's not a thing we can do to change what's inevitable. And I think it's inevitable that I ended up here with her. That she's here in my arms and not by herself. I wanted to love unconditionally and dammit, that's exactly what I was going to do.