You Raise Me Up (Artemi Panarin)

33| Promise Me No Promises

Artemi

Valerie has been in the hospital for a little over two weeks now. One of those she was unconscious but I wasn't so I very much remember those moments. And as they continue to do treatments and tests I notice a change in Valerie. Her eyes sparkle a little more and her smile shines a little brighter. There is no doubt that she's still scared, we all are. This kind of stuff was so tricky because it was all a trial so no one knew what to expect. If her body shuts down again who knows if they'll be able to fix it this time. But Valerie was insistent that they continue treatments and we all just hoped for the best.

I sit in her hospital room as we watch a movie. It was nice that my Xbox was hooked up in here because we can watch movies on it too. So I sit next to her with her hand in mine. I play with the promise ring on her finger as she stares at the screen. But my eyes were on her as they usually are.

"I have a question for you" I claim.

"What's up" she wonders.

"If you told that you could do anything and not get sick or hurt, that you were cured and you no longer had restrictions, what would you do right now" I wonder.

She keeps her eyes on the screen as she ponders my question. I can tell she's thinking because she makes this face like she smells something bad but doesn't want anyone to know that she does.

"I don't even know where to start" she says softly.

"Try" I beg.

"Well I guess the best place to start is at the start" she says as she turns to me. "I would probably go home. Considering I wasn't even able to live there I would love to go back for a little and be a kid again. See the animals and how the farm is doing since I left it last. I would ride my horse and see the field" she claims.

"Do you miss your home" I wonder.

"It's kind of crazy, how when I was stuck in there all I wanted was out, and now that I'm out all I want is to be back in. Chicago is great, don't get me wrong. But this is a big city for a small town girl. I was raised on farm rules and the simplicity of it all. I learned that you earn every stripe given to you. I love it here but sometimes I miss that. There's nothing quite like a night sky way from all the lights and distractions. My old room has a window on the ceiling and I had the best view of all of the stars" I claim.

"I want to bring you to Russia to see the stars, you would love it there" I insist.

"I know I would. I've seen some pictures and I've heard your stories. I almost felt like I was there with you. I know that Russia is a beautiful place filled with beautiful things. There's a lot of beautiful people living beautiful lives. I would love to be a part of it" she sighs.

"I promise you I'm going to take you there" I insist.

"I don't want you promising me anything Artemi. This stuff is out of our control. I don't want you making promises you can't keep" she claims.

"I'm going to keep this one" I argue.

"It's not up to you or me or any of us about what happens to me in he end here. We just got to try our hardest and hope for the best. Don't set anything in stone just for it to end up fading away" she claims.

"I know you're scared to think of a future that does not limit you. I know you're terrified of that world just outside this window that awaits you. But you can do this Val, I know you can. You can not only make promises now but keep them. Not a illness or heartbreak can keep you down. You were meant to see this world and all it's grandest creations. You being one of them.

I'm not afraid to make this promise because I have not a doubt in my mind that you're going to beat this thing. I know that there hasn't been a cure before and people think there never will be. They obviously have never met you and figured out that you're just too amazing for it to happen any other way. We're so close Valerie, you can feel the changes. We can see it in your eyes. All was need is for the miracle to be finished then I can turn my promise into a reality" I explain.

She softly cups my cheek as she stares into my eyes. I rest my hand on top of hers as she inches closer to me.

"I don't want to let you down" she whispers.

"Baby... you could never let me down. These are promises I'm making to you, not that you're making to me. You couldn't let me down simply because everything you do is amazing and meaningful. You can't let me down if all you do is raise me up" I say. She smiles big before pressing her lips to mine. I wasn't expecting that but certainly wasn't upset about it either. I happily kiss her back and enjoy this nice little moment.

Then I get a reminder that we were here with other people as the door swings open and someone comes in.

"Ew... gross" Corey says as he sits in a chair next to us.

"Have you ever heard of knocking" Valerie pouts.

"Yeah... but since when did we knock" he scoffs.

"Maybe when we wanted some privacy" she argues.

"I heard you were watching the new Ghostbusters movie and I wanted to see it. How do I restart it" he asks trying to figure it out. He clicks a bunch of buttons on my remote and I pray to god he doesn't break anything.

"You're incredible" Valerie shakes her head.

"Thanks" her brother smiles and I just laugh.

We get the movie rewinded and watch it again. We hadn't been watching for a while now anyway so we got caught back up. We share a lot of laughs and have a great time. For once in my life I kind of felt normal. I was still in the hospital because my life wasn't, but it felt like I was. For once I wasn't terrified of promises of things that I don't have control over. I used to think that promises were just empty words, a straight path to being let down. But now I can trust the things I don't know, things I can't see or hold. And I know that Valerie is my best bet in trusting someone. And I do.