better than this

Chapter 26

Hunter

I storm back in the house and Vicki immediately starts on me. "Hunter I am so so sorry." I barge past her and down the hall. "Please. Just don't." I snap angrily and she nods but follows me into the kitchen. I try to take a deep breath as I walk over to the island in the middle of the kitchen, placing my hands on the cold counter. "Fuck!" I shout and hit a plate off of the counter, causing it to propel off the table top and smash on the floor. I hear the TV turn off in the living room. I look down at the smashed plate. "Shit." I say and go to pick up the pieces but cut deep into the palm of my hand. "Ah! Fuck!" I shout and Hayes and Beau race into the room. "Hunter?" Hayes questions and I walk over to the cupboard to get a bandage for my hand. "Could you guys please leave me alone for a bit? I need to be alone." I say firmly and all three of them nod and leave the room.

I hear the front door close as they leave the house and them start a conversation right outside. As soon as they leave I shout and hit a mug or two along with some other dishes onto the floor and hear them smash before I drop to my knees, forgetting about the bandage. I put my head in my hands and screw my eyes shut. I know that I've probably got blood in my hair and it should hurt but I can't feel the pain, I am consumed by another pain. What have I done? I open the cupboard next to me and take out my mums vodka, feeling the burning down my throat soothe the pain slightly. My chest aches and it feels like someone has ripped out my heart. I take another swig of the strong alcohol and swallow as it burns my stomach.

My mum walks in half an hour later and stops in her tracks when she takes in the scene in front of her. She sees the smashed crockery and my bleeding hand and the alcohol and immediately walks over, somehow remaining calm. "Hunter, honey?" She asks me and I look up. Seeing her face makes me hurt even more. I feel tears start to pour from my eyes as I think about how I've lost Blair. "Oh baby. What's wrong?" She crouches by my side and gently pries the bottle from my hand. "I've ruined it mum. Just like I ruin everything. It's all ruined!" I say and raise my hands into the air. She looks at me concerned. "Aw you don't ruin everything Hunter don't think that." She tries to reassure me but my head is fuzzy and I struggle to believe her words. "I ruin everything. I'm the reason dad left. I'm now the reason Blair left. I'm probably the reason John left as well!" I say, John being my mums ex-boyfriend. "I come back late, I get drunk all the time --" I start to list all the things I get wrong but my mum cuts me off. "Stop! Stop it! You are not the reason that any of that happened. Me and your father...we weren't compatible. Our relationship was at its breaking point and even when it ended it had nothing to do with you. The fact that he never called or kept in contact was an awful, awful thing to do and he should have never put you through that. But it was in no way your fault and I don't want you thinking that." She snaps firmly and I look up at her, my eyes filled with sadness. "Now wipe away those tears. And clean up your mess. Then go fix things with your girl." She says forcefully and I smile weakly, she knows exactly how to make me feel better. I stand up with her and give her a long, long hug. "I love you so much Hunter." She whispers in my ear and I nod. "Love you too mum." I say quietly, my voice cracking slightly from the alcohol. "But I can't sweep right now." I say as I sway slightly. I walk over to the couch and sit down. "Sorry for drinking your vodka." I apologise a bit too loudly as she fetches the dustpan and brush.
"Oh I don't give a shit. These things happen." She says and makes a brushing gesture. I laugh at her use of language as she brings me a glass of water and a painkiller. I drink it and immediately feel slightly better. I lie back on the couch and fall asleep.

Blair

He hasn't phoned or tried to contact me for the past two hours. I heard shouting from his house and something breaking but since then, which was an hour and a half ago, radio silence. I feel like such a fool for waiting around, hoping he'll try to win me back. But he doesn't come. So I switch off my phone, go upstairs to my room and lie in bed, blasting sad songs, trying to focus on the music and forget about what just happened. "I can't get rid of her." Are the words he used and they keep playing and playing continuously in my head as I cry non stop. My head feels so completely filled with thoughts I feel like I'm spinning. Why would he play with me like that? Make it seem like he really cared? Pretend I was different because I was his first girlfriend? I probably wasn't. Was any of it real? Did he, at any point mean what he said? That I was gorgeous, I'm one of the best things that has ever happened to him. Yeh right. I turn over and look in my mirror next to my bed, my eyes and cheeks are red and swollen. I feel an awful pain in my chest as I sob. I didn't matter. I don't matter. Not to him.

My mum gets home and comes in to check on me right when I've finally stopped crying. I pretend to be asleep and roll over onto my side. When she leaves I lie on my back again and close my eyes, listening to the music. I play it so loud that it almost drowns out my thoughts and I am so focused on it that I don't hear the front door open. So when my bedroom door opens I think it's my mum and ignore it. "Mum I'll turn down the music in a bit." I say loudly, my eyes still closed. I hear the music volume drop significantly and I open my eyes and sit up angrily. I see that it isn't my mum. It's Hunter. He looks like shit, his eyes are dark and his skin is paler than usual. "What do you want?" I snap and look away from him. I can't look at him. My eyes feel like they're going to sprout new tears any second and I don't want him to see them. He doesn't answer so I finally look at him, into his eyes which makes me want to start sobbing all over again. I hope that him seeing me like this makes him feel guilty. The fact that he was lying this whole time makes me just so angry and hurt at the same time."Well? I was listening to a good song." I say, it was good, he interrupted it and now I'm even more frustrated, he flinches. How dare he flinch? You know what, good. I want him to be upset. "Blair...I...we need to talk."