better than this

Chapter 17

Hunter

I wake up with an awful headache and groan before sitting up. I then remember the events of last night, Blair comforting me and then my nightmare, or memory I guess. I was remembering a night before my dad left, my mum had just come home from work and made me dinner and went to bed when my dad came in so drunk he could barely walk, she had to take care of him and stayed with him when he vomited in the toilet and made him food. She was so tired and had to work the next day without any sleep. I just realised that in that moment I was him. I was doing the same thing to her as my dad did to my mum and I couldn't do that. I could feel my chest rising and falling before taking a deeper breath and getting out my phone. I can't leave things like this. Shit. I can't phone her. I ended it for a reason, which makes me want to punch something. Fuck. I suddenly look down at my hands and see the blood on my knuckles. I punch my bed next to me. Damn it I'm no better than Jax. I don't know what to do. Blair. All I can think about is Blair. Ok. Get up.

I stand and walk through to my toilet to brush my teeth. There's shattered mirror everywhere I look and I cut my foot the second I step inside. Shit. I walk back out and focus on clearing it up after putting a plaster on the small gash on my foot. I walk through in a pair of sliders with a sweeping brush along with a dustpan and brush to begin my work. I sweep up what's on the floor and carefully pick up the bits in and around the sink. The mirror wasn't that big so I manage to get the frame off the wall easily. I have to take it to the bin just outside my house so it'll fit though. When I walk back I find myself staring at Blair's house. After a while I snap out of it and tell myself to pull myself together before walking back into the house and up to my toilet to brush my teeth. I make a mental note to replace my mirror before the end of the day. I can't stop thinking about Blair. I feel like I've had my chest ripped out and stood on. Should I talk to her? Explain? I should at least give her a choice whether she wants this. I don't deserve her. But it's her life and I shouldn't try to choose for her. That is if she'll even speak to me. I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't after I shouted her out the house yesterday. She most likely doesn't want anything to do with me. I stare at her contact for a solid five minutes. Fuck it. I pick up the phone and call her. She doesn't answer. I do it five more times earning the same response. So I decide to go over to her house.

Blair

When I walk back through to my room after a shower my phone is ringing. I walk hesitantly over to it wondering if it's Hunter and it is, I feel my chest ache as I look at the picture and pick up my phone to answer but I don't make it in time before the call ends. I see that there's now 6 missed calls from him. He texts me seconds later saying he's coming over. I don't think I've ever gotten dressed faster in my life. It would be way more awkward if he had to see me half naked first. I hear pounding on the door just as I'm pulling a vest on over my bra. My mum answers and I hear him running up the stairs and hesitating before knocking on the door.

I open my bedroom door and he is out of breath. "Hunter I --"
"When I was 13 years old my dad walked out on my mum and I." He begins a story without making eye contact with me while walking into the room. "It started because I smashed his most important trophy a few weeks prior and when he asked me after finding it I said that I didn't know who did it. He was drunk and my mum and him got into a huge fight which ended with him walking out. I ran up to him before he could walk out and confessed that it was actually me who broke it. 'You don't need to leave now.' I told him and begged him to stay. He umm - he didn't. Instead he smiled down at me and messed up my hair. He told me he needed to leave. He needed to leave me. That was the last time I saw him. It was my fault he left, Blair. I ruined it. Yes, if I hadn't smashed that he may have still left but it would have been later. Yes, he would have stayed but still been drunk every night but I didn't care. He would still be there. I pretended it wasn't me even though I was old enough to take the blame. I ruined it." He repeats as he finishes, looking out the window. "I've ruined most of the good things in my life. My dad. Multiple friendships and relationships have been ruined by me, I've broken people's hearts before. I can't...I won't do it to you. I don't want to ruin you. I don't want to ruin this. Which is why I told you to leave yesterday. It just suddenly hit me that I was dragging you towards an ending that I didn't want to put you through." He finally turns around and begins to walk towards me. I look down, disappointed that he was being serious yesterday. "But I also don't want to be my dad. Because he could have been there. Even if he was slightly fucked up. I want to try. I'm going to try, hard." He says softly before stopping a few feet away from me. "Look at me." He requests quietly, his voice almost a whisper and I lift my head slightly to look into his eyes. "I'm sorry that I shouted at you yesterday. I'm sorry for getting drunk and overthinking and getting angry. Damn it. I tried to stay away. I tried. But I couldn't. I really don't - I have no clue what I'd do if I lost you..." He says and looks down just as I see a couple tears escape from his eyes. Seeing him cry makes my anger instantly melt away. "Please don't cry." He says softly. I hadn't even noticed the wet tears rolling down my own cheeks. "It's your choice Blair. I decided that you should choose." He tells me as he takes another step towards me hesitantly.
"I choose you." I say and place my hands on either side of his face. His eyes immediately light up and I smile. "Are you sure?" He asks me doubtfully and I laugh quietly. "Its been you this whole time, idiot." I reassure him and he takes a deep breath. "This is your last chance to back out. I'm an idiot and I mess things up all the time and I might hurt you or - or --" I cut him off by pressing my lips firmly against his. He is startled by the sudden gesture but softens to my touch and wraps his arms around my waist. When he pulls away he smiles at me, staring at my face. He suddenly lifts me off the ground and spins me in circles and I squeal before he sets me back down. "Fuck. I'm an idiot." He repeats before kissing me again.

1 month and 3 days