[requested by] - shawnieboyimagine
[warning] - kinda a deep one. if you're going through anxiety, depression, or anything life changing please read with caution.
***
andrew:
we got a deadline shawn. you have to come back to the studio ASAP!
clicking his phone off, shawn breathes deeply.
"shawn! i'm back!" hearing aish come through the door causes him to smile. seeing her come around the corner he stares lovingly at her physique.
"hey baby, how was the studio?" she asks pecking his lips.
his smile fades at her question. he doesn't want to lie to aish but he doesn't want her to worry. he actually hasn't been to the studio in a few weeks but she thinks he's been going. there is just something wrong with him and he can't figure it out. he's started having breathing problems in big crowded places & he feels like there is a rain cloud constantly hanging over him. he really doesn't want to keep lying but he he sees no other option.
"it was good," he speaks quickly hoping she won't ask anything else about the studio. when it comes to shawn's music she gets more excited than him. she wants to know every detail about every song. but that is something he loves about her. she cares so much it makes his heart cry.
"how was your day?" shawn asks watching aish remove her shoes.
"okay. i'm probably going to finish my essay tomorrow before i start my shift, thank god."
he laughs when she exaggerates "thank god."
aish glances at her watch then her eyes widen. "oh my gosh, it's already 12."
she's been taking late night shifts at this 24 hour starbucks to pay for her college books. constantly shawn insists he can pay for them but she never lets him. no matter how much of a challenge it is she always concurs it on her own.
"yeah, we should get to bed." he puts his arm around her & lightly kisses her forehead. they walk to their room & start to get ready for bed.
2 AM
shawn lays there shirtless staring at the ceiling. he's been staring so long his eyes sting when he blinks. he turns his head to aish's back hearing her small snores. sighing he returns his gaze to the ceiling.
what is going on? "why the hell haven't i been able to sleep?" he asks himself. instead all he thinks about is the new album & finishing on time. he only had five songs finished & the deadline is in less than three weeks.
why can't he create like he use to? what's the issue & why is it so hard for him to concentrate? he's been doing this for a couple of years so he can't get why he's like this now.
when suddenly it clicks. he's heard about this, where you feel like you're being crushed by emotions and stress. a lot of his friends came to him about this before. where they think about every little thing they're doing, where they constantly measure them to others, where every thing was blurry & didn't make sense.
anxiety.
but how could this be anxiety? how could this be what anxiety feels like? he always thought it wasn't this bad but he was completely wrong. the fear he is feeling & hearing these crushing thoughts in his head have been nothing but awful. he never understood but now he does.
