Flower Boy (BoyxBoy)

xxxvi

[11] Saved Drafts

To: warrenmoore@jmuniversity.com
Subject: No Subject

is it me is it me is it me is it me is it me

Last edited: 20 hours ago

kevin.

After I woke up, I went right to school. I looked at Edd, who was sleeping, for a second before I left. I wasn't prepared mentally to walk with him to school today--especially with that recording from yesterday. The only thing I listened to was the end. I still can't get the sound of his voice saying "A friend moved into my house recently. I think it was him." I think it was him, I think it was him, I think it was him. Every time I hear that a shiver goes down my spine.

On my way to school, I get a text from Edd.

Good morning, Kevin! Have you left already?

It took me a second to respond.

Yeah, sorry!

No worries, but be sure to eat breakfast! They
don't call it the most important meal of the
day for no reason!

He uses the blushy smiley face at the end, which makes me laugh. It's kind of cute that he uses emojis.

Yeah yeah okay mom!
When do you have your break?

1pm. Why?

Let's have lunch together

Ten minutes later, he finally replied.

Sure. In the library?

After chemistry, calculus, and psychology I really had no energy to talk to anyone. I left my classes exhausted but headed to the library anyway. The thought of meeting with Edd made my heart jump and my stomach twist. Weird.

I sat by myself and checked the time. It's only twelve pm, which means I have a whole hour to waste until Edd gets here. I lay my head down on the table I'm sitting at and close my eyes, letting my mind wander--and of course, it goes right to Edd. It seems to do that a lot lately.

I think about his voice. He sounds so somber during his recordings, which makes me wonder if he isn't telling Eddy or me how he really feels. That makes me sad.

His body pops into my mind for a hot second, which feels weird. I try to shake it, but the image of him in the glowing orange lamp light stays. My eyes trace down his body again, from his neck to every ripple in his spine. I feel myself get warm as my cheeks blush. He turns to me in my vision and walks toward me. I'm close to him, and my hands rub his chest. I lay him on his bed and just before my lips touch his neck I open my eyes.

I rub my face and sigh. What the hell is wrong with me?

I look around the huge library at surrounding tables before feeling the front of my jeans to make sure nothing was there. Luckily (and surprisingly) I hadn't pitched a tent.

To get my mind off of what I was thinking about before, I stood and walked towards the books. I walked between isles of fiction and nonfiction books trying to find one that I liked. I don't like reading. Since I was never good at it, I gave up at the beginning of university.

After looking and wandering, I sit on the floor with a book about baseball. I open the book and read the words, but lose my focus quickly. I set the book on the floor and rest my head on my knees. There's something serene about the library that reminds me of everything I could be. I could study for hours at a time and drink iced coffee and write pages upon pages of notes in my notebooks. I could.