Flower Boy (BoyxBoy)

xiv

The life of a person with mental illness is harder any person without it can ever begin to comprehend.  This illness makes life difficult by

Last update: 4 hours ago

kevin.

I STOOD OUTSIDE ON THE FRONT PORCH, silently observing all of the homes around me.  As I sat on the steps leading off the porch, I heard the door open from behind me.  I turn slightly to watch a tall, slender man cautiously make his way toward me.  Edd sits next to me silently, a red solo cup full of pink wine resting in both hands.  He looks at me, then at my lips as I take a drag of my cigarette.

"I didn't think you smoked," he says.

"Usually I do it when I drink, but I've been a bit stressed lately," I take another drag.  In slowly, feel it fill my lungs, out even slower.  "I only smoke a few a day."

Edd smiles.  "It's okay, I don't mind."

"My girlfriend, Isabel, she doesn't like it a lot.  She complains about the smell sometimes... I should quit."

"I do agree with that," he says.  He takes a quick sip of his drink through a pink straw.  I watch his lips pucker and the wine climb up the straw quickly.  Edd's eyes are starting to become lidded, and I notice his blush getting deeper as the night goes on.  

I take another drag to occupy my lips.  "Smoking never seemed appealing to me until I turned eighteen and I could buy them.  My parents smoked my whole life and I've always wanted them to stop--my dad did, but my mom can't seem to.  I don't blame her as much anymore for it."

"Then why do you do it?"

"It gave me a buzz when I first started," I say, examining the cigarette between my fingers.  "Now it's just something to do, I guess."

He takes a long gulp of his drink.  "May I try?" He asks suddenly.

I smile, surprised.  "Are you sure?  I'd hate for you to get addicted."

Edd smiles and rolls his eyes.  He leans against my shoulder and whispers, "I have very good self-control."

Our eyes lock for what seems like ages.  We stare into each other's eyes until the ash from my cigarette builds up and falls onto the paved driveway at my feet.  I flick the cigarette in the yard and take two more from the pack.  Edd puts his in his mouth and looks at me.  I wait for him to get my attention, tap my shoulder or clear his throat before I offer him my lighter.  Instead of doing anything, though, he stares at me with big, begging blue eyes and his chin stuck out as if saying, "Light me, now."

I never thought I'd find a cigarette between another man's lips so endearing.

Making careful eye contact for a few seconds, I focus attention on the lighter and flick the flint.  We breathe in together.  When Edd notices me looking at him, he smiles and takes the lit cigarette between his pointer and middle fingers.  He laughs as he blows the smoke in my face, which was honestly pretty hot.  What's wrong with me tonight?

"How you feeling?" I ask him.

Edd's smile grows wider than before as he nods.  "This has been more entertaining than I expected," he slurs.  He drinks the rest of what's in his red solo cup before taking another drag.