Surrender

Chapter Twenty Nine

AN: Hi guys! just a quick little note before you get reading. I just want to say thank you so so much for those of you who have read this far and given me feedback, I love reading your comments and would love more of your thoughts and opinions, really, they make me a better writer. I am so excited that you've loved the story up until this and I can't wait to share what's coming. I would love for you to go and comment on your favorite passgaes or moments, or whatever!  Love you all!! :)

CHAPTER TWENTY NINE

Louis' POV:

"I'm actually back in Seattle I landed about an hour ago. Can you meet somewhere?" She asks in a tired voice. She's been crying, I can hear it in the way she's trying to hide it by holding the phone far away from her mouth. But I know her; she can't hide things like this from me.

"Of course, I can meet you anywhere." I say as I start the car, the rumble of the engine purrs under me. She sniffs a couple times before responding.

"There's a cafe about a mile from the house, the one we went to the first morning we were here, remember?" She hiccups into the phone. Of course I remember, that morning she told me she loved me after 4 years of being apart. I told her I wasn't going to jump back into a relationship with her, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about it from time to time after that. Even that night in the hotel when we went back to Boston it was on my mind. But she wants me to love her because it would be easy for us, almost like we wouldn't even have to try, but what kind of love is that? Her breathing picks up and  I find myself starting to worry. Our little excursions always ended with bad news, but never has she broken down like this before. If anything the bad news fueled her desire to keep searching, but this reaction...this was something different.

"Yeah, I remember. I can be there in 10 minutes." I say gently, picturing her in a cab, her eyes red and swollen, mascara running down her cheeks. What did you find out Gem? Guilt suddenly creeps over me and I put the car in reverse, quickly turning around and driving quickly down the alley and out onto the street, doubling back the way I came.

"Thank you Louis." She says with a heavy sigh of relief. I press my foot down on the gas pedal and race through the semi crowded streets.

"I'll see you soon Gem." I say before I hang up, tossing my phone on the passenger seat. I grip the steering wheel tightly and nudge the gas pedal a little more, my panic moving me forward.

I should call Rae, I should tell her what's happening, but I can't bring myself to pick up my phone. I know how she feels about mine and Gemma's relationship and I know how intimidated she is by her. I somehow managed to put Rae in the middle of the problems I'm having with Gemma and I hate myself for it. I decide against calling or texting Rae, she’ll be fine until I get home, she seemed more than occupied inside her own head anyway. She does that. She detaches from the outside world and retreats inside herself to deal with things her own way. It’s something I’m not entirely used to, but if being with her means letting her go for brief moments in time, then so be it, it’s worth it…she’s worth it. If I can get her away from all of this, maybe then she’ll start to heal, start to grieve and let go, but right now she’s so caught up in the need to find Peter. That’s the other thing…

Peter.

Every night I stand at the window while she sleeps, hoping he’ll show himself so I can see with my own eyes, feel his flesh break and tear under my hands for what he did to her. I guess you could say I’ve been carrying around my own form of guilt for not being here when he attacked her. I’m afraid that she feels his hands on her when I touch her, his breath on her skin when I kiss her. It eats me up inside and for that reason I want to get away as well.