Surrender

Chapter Seven

CHAPTER SEVEN

I fall onto the mattress and bury my face in the pillows, the faint smell of cinnamon stinging my nose. I was surprised at how forward I was being, but there was something about Harry that made me feel instantly at ease. He mutes whatever is playing on the TV hanging on the wall and turns to face me.

“Usually it takes a few drinks to get a girl in my bed.” Harry says. I look up at him, my mouth open in a large O. He throws his head back and laughs, the dimple on his cheek showing.

“Rae, I’m kidding. It’s really only one drink.” He shrugs, laughing again as I slap his arm. I sit up and lean my back against the pillows, stretching my legs out in front of me. He watches as I rub my calf, loosening up the muscle.

Still sore?” He asks.

“I don’t think it’s healed all the way yet. I’m supposed to be wearing a brace, but I’m too impatient to keep it on.” He chuckles, nodding his head. I look down at his cast, the signatures and doodles are faded now.

“Harry? Can I ask you something?” I cross my legs gingerly and face him. His slim face is looking back at me pleasantly.

“Sure.” He says.

“What was it like, you know, when I hit you?” I say simply. For once my heart isn’t hammering against my chest, and my hands aren’t shaking. He doesn’t look angry or surprised, he just smiles, like he’s been waiting for me to ask him that since this morning.

“It was fast and slow all at once. It was like I was watching it happen to someone else, like, uh, like a movie or something. And it didn’t hurt. You always think getting hit by a car will hurt, but it didn’t. Not until later, obviously. It was like I was awake one minute and asleep the next.” As I listen, the memory replays itself in my mind. Every color is more vivid, and more real than the night it happened.

“What about Cal and Gemma, how are they handling it?” I ask quietly, thinking of the way Cal hugged me and how Gemma had introduced herself to Aaron, and told me Harry wanted to see me this morning. There was kindness in all of them, a kindness I wasn’t deserving of.

“They’re fine,” He says sincerely, “They aren’t hateful people, especially my dad. We’re the same people we were before the accident. If anything, we’re closer. My dad said the first week was hell, dealing lawyers and the police coming in to take statements, Gemma was really torn up about it, but he always knew what his decision would be. You don’t need to worry, Rae, they don’t blame you.” He grabs my hand and squeezes it, his face serious as he looks at me.

“You saw it all happen didn’t you?” He asks, letting go of my hand, most likely knowing the answer.

“I did,” I say rubbing the back of neck, “I saw it all, except your face. I never saw your face, and that bothered me.” But, now, whenever I close my eyes that’s all I see, his face illuminated by the beam of head lights in the darkness.

“Bothered you? Why?” He asks, cocking his head to the side.

“You know when you dream about someone you’ve never met, but you feel like you know them and they’re always faceless?” He nods, his eyes on my mouth as I speak, reminding me of Louis, “It was like that. You were in every one of my dreams and I knew you, but you remained faceless. It was like that every night, until…” I stop, not sure if Louis or Gemma had told him about the night in the hospital. He looks into my eyes, waiting for me to continue.

“Until…?” He says, holding the L sound on his tongue, urging me to finish my thought.

“Until I visited you in the hospital one night.” His forehead creases as he tries to remember something that he wasn’t even awake for. I chuckle at his face twisted in confusion, his bottom lip turning down into a pout, making him look like a little boy.