Surrender

Chapter Four

CHAPTER FOUR:

I couldn’t move. My arms and legs felt like cement blocks, and I wasn’t sure if I possessed the ability to blink anymore. We didn’t speak or move, we just stood there, staring at each other. 5 minutes ago I was buzzing with confidence and then he opened the door and it all went to hell. I was waiting for him to yell and scream, to grab me the way he had before. There was a small part of me that wanted to see that side of him again, to experience more. As the silence stretches, I’m positive he isn’t going to say anything, so I make the first move.

“I’m so—“ But before I can finish he cuts me off, taking a step towards me.

“What do you want?” He demands, looking down at me. My hands start to shake so I ball them into fists.

“What are you doing here?” I say boldly, my voice coming out clear and strong. He lifts his eyebrows in surprise, but doesn’t back down.

“I don’t think you’re in any position to demand things from me. Or anyone close to me.” The words almost sound like a threat the way they leave his lips, soft and foreboding. He turns his back on me, heading back inside, but I’m not finished.

“Wait!” I reach out and grab his arm, my fingers sliding easily over his warm skin. He stiffens under my touch and I quickly let go, instinctively clasping my hands behind my back. He turns his head and looks at me out of the corner of his eye.

“I just want to know if Harry’s awake. If he’s…” Alright, I finish in my head, too afraid to ask it aloud. Louis doesn’t move, his profile silhouetted by the glow of the light dripping from the open door. When he speaks, it sounds rehearsed, like he’s had to recount these details thousands of times. I don’t doubt that he has.

“He woke up 4 days ago, tired and disoriented, but other than that, he’s recovering at a faster pace than expected,” He turns to look at me, “Satisfied?” 4 days ago. The morning after I went into his room. He doesn’t wait for me to respond and turns again, stepping into the house.

“When is he coming home?” I say loudly, taking a step in his direction. He whips around, walking towards me suddenly. I clumsily walk backwards, almost tripping down the stairs as my left leg struggles to keep up.

“Why should I tell you that? What makes you think you can just waltz over here after what you did?” He spits at me. We’re standing close enough for me to see that his upper lip is thinner than his bottom. He smells sweet, like a tangy shampoo that belongs to a girl. He might’ve absentmindedly used it while showering this morning.

“I just…” I say softly, feeling naked under his gaze, the closeness of his body making it hard to focus. His hands turn into fists and he presses them against his forehead, letting out a frustrated noise. He runs his hands roughly through his hair and brings his left hand down sharply in aggravation and looks back at me wildly.

“Answer my question. Why did you come here?” His shoulders are shaking with rage, his eyes moving back and forth rapidly as he waits for me to answer, or run, I wasn’t quite sure what I was going to do either. I fidget with the hem of my shirt, wanting so badly to scream at him.

“Because…” I say, trailing off, my voice cracking at the end. I open my mouth to continue but nothing comes out, but it doesn’t matter because his annoyance gets the better of him and he speaks before I compose a proper sentence.

“What? Because what? Look,” He growls, taking a step closer to me, “don’t stand there and try to convince me how racked with grief you are. Just say whatever pathetic thing you were about to say and get the hell away from me.“ As he’s saying this, I can feel my mind racing, my blood boiling and my heart breaking. His words hit me over and over again until I can’t take anymore.