Surrender

Chapter Eleven

CHAPTER ELEVEN

“Hi back.” I say, butterflies fluttering their wings in my stomach, making the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. He steps onto the porch and leans into me, his lips resting against my ear. Everything he did was so unexpected that I barely have time to prepare myself. My heart is racing so fast I’m afraid I’ll pass out.

“Come inside.” He whispers, his bottom lip just barely brushing my ear lobe. All I do is nod, unable to form words. He turns around leads me inside the house. The lights were off except for a lamp in the living room. Did Cal come in the house while I was fighting with Louis? And where was Harry? I follow him upstairs, my stomach somersaulting with every step closer to his room, I mean, that’s where I assumed he was taking me. He’s standing with his hand on the door knob, and as I walk in he slowly pushes it shut. I scan the room again, getting a better view of everything this time. He didn’t have very many things, just a few pictures, stacks of sheet music littered here and there and a soccer ball on the chair. I turn around to face him and in the corner I see a keyboard. The door must have been hiding it last time. I quickly glance at his bed, it was unmade, a dark blue comforter in a heap at the foot of the bed. I know he’s watching me, I can feel his eyes on my body. This was a really bad habit of mine; I always spent too much time inside my head observing. I turn my head in his direction. He has a pleased look on his face, standing like he usually does, with his legs spread wide and his hands at his sides, he looks…relaxed. This was a first. My lips start to tingle as I remember the way he kissed me, lingering and tasting...I break away from his gaze and clasp my hands behind my back. No, I can’t think this way, not until I have answers about…us, whatever ‘us’, was. I clear my throat a little and try to concentrate on something other than the way he’s standing there, looking at me.

“You wanted to see me?” I say in a business like voice that surprises me.  He raises his eyebrows at me, and then takes a small step in my direction, bringing his hands together in front of him.

“Yes, yes I did.” He says in a mock serious voice, furrowing his brow and squaring his shoulders. I stare at him like this and then let out a small laugh and rub my forehead. This is ridiculous.

“Rae?” He says gently. I look up at him, a strange sensation coursing through me at the sound of my name on his tongue. It was a good strange, a different strange, not like before when he’s used my name while we were arguing.

“How about I do the talking for a minute.” I bite my lip and nod my head. Maybe he should do the talking for now, I was too jittery to form proper sentences with a subject line. He starts to shuffle his feet, his nerves manifesting themselves. That small part of me that had been corrupted by Darcie was expecting him to start laughing and pointing, mocking my foolishness, but that’s not what happens at all.

“I…can’t stop thinking about you.” He says slowly, like it still shocks him to admit, “And it’s not in the way you’re probably thinking,” He says, his eyes dripping with desperation, “It tortures me, actually.” My eyes widen in response and he holds his hand up, waving away his comment.

“No, not like that.” He makes a frustrated noise and brings his hand down sharply through the air, and inhales through his nose. It’s nice to see him this way, vulnerable and open, instead of angry and guarded.

“There’s this part of me that is so fascinated with you, and it feels like I can’t get enough. But, there’s also this part that…” He pauses and I jump in, filling in the blanks for him.

“Hates me.” He shakes his head and walks towards me, stopping about a foot away.

“No, no I don’t hate you. But, I can’t let myself forget.” He says, searching my eyes for some kind of understanding. And I do. I understand because there are things I won’t be able to forget either, but where were we supposed to go from here?