Surrender

Chapter Ten

CHAPTER TEN

I tell Darcie everything, making sure I don’t leave anything out. It all comes pouring out of me, fast and jumbled, most of it just sounds and frustrated hand gestures, but she listens. She nods along with me, her brow furrowed, watching my mouth in case she misses something. As I talk, the anger around my heart starts to subside and I realize how much I’ve missed her, and how much I’ve needed to talk to her. It feels good to talk to her, to vent all of my frustrations. I didn’t realize how much I needed someone to just listen, until now. I tell her about the library and the attraction I felt to Harry, the way his eyes latched onto my memory and how I saw him get into the van full of boys. I tell her all about the accident, relaying every tiny detail, hoping that if I say it out loud it won’t haunt me the way it does. I tell her about the night in the hospital when I first met Louis and the way he grabbed me, and the look of repulsion and disgust he associates with me. I tell her about the arguments Louis and I had and the way he’d get closer to me, his eyes full of confusion time after time and how much I can’t stop thinking about him. I rant about how frustrated he makes me, the way he just assumes the worst in me and the way he watches me, messing with my head and making me think he could want me like I want him. I tell her about Gemma and Cal and their kindness, and I tell her about Harry. I describe his voice and his carefree, easy demeanor that makes me feel like the outside world doesn’t exist when I’m with him.  I can tell by the look on her face as I talk, that she doesn’t quite understand how we can be so open with each other when there should be a wall between us, but she never interrupts me.

 And then…I tell her about today, the diner, the theater, the rain, the countless looks passed between us and our fight in his room over the car. I stop talking right before the part where we kiss, not quite knowing how to describe something like that. She’s staring at me with her mouth open, her hands crossed over her heart.

“And?” She asks sternly, prompting me to go on. I twirl the hem of my shirt around my fingers and look at the ground.

“Darcie…” I say, my voice faltering. She lifts one eye brow, her lips puckering.

“So,” She says, picking up on my distress, knowing exactly what I’m feeling, “You’re into him.” She says it slowly, processing it as she confirms what I couldn’t say. Then, she starts to laugh, the high pitched sound ringing through the house.

“You can’t be serious.” She says between bursts of laughter. I don’t say anything, I just let her laugh, feeling like an idiot after all of that. When she finally catches her breath, she looks at me, her face registering that I am, in fact, serious.

“Rae, the guy is a dick. Can’t you see that?” She says seriously, her face turned down into a frown. I shake my head, shuffling my feet from side to side, my socks sliding smoothly over the wood floors.

“No, he isn’t. There’s just…something making him act this way.” She scoffs, adjusting her body on top of the bar stool.

“Uh, yeah, the fact that he’s a total douche.” She snorts, her eyes widening.

“Stop it,” I say in a stern voice, “You haven’t been around the last few days, you don’t know what’s going on.” She rolls her eyes.

“That may be true, but from what you just told me, it sounds like he’s the one playing you. Like he’s trying to make you think he’s warming up to you so he can humiliate you when you fall for him, and by the look on your face, phase one is complete.” She shrugs, giving me a ‘just sayin’ look. My thoughts start to weave in and out of each other, the memories replaying over and over again, focusing on every touch, every look, every word and I start to doubt everything. I press my fingers into my temples and shut my eyes. Is that why he wanted to see me tonight, to laugh at me? Maybe he needed to tell Gemma about the way I confessed my attraction to him and they were together now, laughing at how ridiculous I am. What if he told Harry, maybe he was in on it too? I feel like throwing up.