Against The Odds: Guarded

32

LUCAS POV

I was up when the sun came up, not able to get much to any sleep last night. I was surprised because it wasn’t only the bad dream that kept me awake this time, it was my own guilt. I feel terrible about what I did and I can’t get the look that was on Maya's tear stained face out of my mind. I sent her several text messages last night but she didn’t answer. The red digital clock on my bedside table resembled my eye whites from lack of sleep I’m sure and I don’t know how much more of this I can take.

It’s seven thirty and I know she’s getting ready for work right now...probably getting dressed, pulling a pencil skirt or some office trousers up her legs that are so long and shapely. They seem like they go on for miles and then when they stop they end at the beautiful curve of her ass. The skin there is so soft and I love it when I wake up and she’s next to me and she’s only wearing her knickers and a t-shirt, with her back to her my front. That’s when I get to have sneaky feels. She usually thinks I’m sleeping and brushing up against her on accident, but her skin is so milky smooth and warm in the morning it damn near calls my hands there to touch her, but only just barely, ghosting all most. Every time I do it goose bumps rise on her skin. I love it when her body reacts to me, even when she’s sleeping. I smile to myself and realize that I’ve gotten carried away with my thoughts. I didn’t have morning wood when I was lying looking at the ceiling but I definitely do now. Great.

“What am I supposed to do with this?” I sigh to myself frustrated, in reference to my junk and then it hits me. I probably wouldn’t have this dilemma if I wasn’t so fucked up. She would be here with me...and said problem would probably be getting worked on and why use your own hand when someone has been doing it for you? Wanking hasn’t even been the same since that night that Maya got me off.

I picked up my phone to text Maya again. I know I shouldn’t crowd her and give her time to be pissed at me but I miss her. I really want to see her, and in the back of my mind I know that she’ll be working with Peyton today, the fucking tosser! My thumbs move quickly over the touch screen keyboard of the I phone as I desperately send her a message hoping for a reply. She could tell me to fuck off and I would still be happy. I need her and I’m pathetic.

To: Glasses
G’morning...I miss you. I love you. I’m so sorry.

I turn over in bed and look at the side she lays on when she spends the night and not sleeping on my chest and my heart constricts. Nights are a little bit more bearable when she’s here next to me. It doesn’t completely stop my dreams, but they don’t happen as often. My phone vibrates against my chest where I let it lie and I damn near jump out of my skin to answer it, then get annoyed when I see it’s only my mum.

From: Mum
Blake, I heard you’re hanging out with Robin today. He’s so excited!

I scrunched my nose and allowed my eyebrows to knot because A) she’s downstairs and she could have simply come up to tell me about Robins excitement. A text wasn’t necessary. B) I forgot that I was supposed to be ‘hanging out’ with him today. I don’t fucking want to and I have to miss out on work because of it, and C) I was hoping that text was from Maya and not my mum! It’s like she knew I was expecting a text and did that to tease me on purpose!

I put my phone back down, not responding to my mum and run a hand through my hair which is significantly curly today and attempt to push it off of my face into a quiff. I can feel myself getting overly annoyed and as soon as I get out of bed to get my meds that I would definitely fucking need if I was gonna spend the better half of my goddamn day uncomfortable and too fucking close to Robin for both of our fucking safeties to prove a point that I wasn’t ready to do for Dr. Baker and her own sick ‘progression purposes’, my phone vibrated. I picked it up feeling myself get antsier as I thought it was going to be my mum again, but my heart drummed ten times its normal speed when I saw that it was glasses.