Against The Odds: Guarded

22

LUCAS POV

I dropped Maya off back to the hotel not really wanting to talk about what was bothering me. The more she tried, the further I drew into myself and into my own head. I can tell that she was getting frustrated from me cutting her off, but sometimes I'd rather not talk and keep it to myself. No one understands this issue but me anyway. As I sat in Dr. Bakers waiting area and stared around the room that I've been in hundreds of times before my mind went back to the dream that I had this morning, replaying itself in my head like as song stuck on repeat.

I rubbed my hands over my face and eyes hoping that the action would make the day dream disappear. When I tried to think about something else Maya's question echoed in my head and my mood continued to plummet to the somber range right before depression. I sank lower in my seat, allowing my dreary emotion to wash over me as I stuffed my hands in my pocket. When I realized there was something in one of them, I took it out and anger immediately took the place of my slope into a depressed state.

The seating chart.

"Blake?" My head snapped up and I balled up the chart putting it back in my pocket before I went into Dr. Bakers office.

"How are you today?"

"Fanfuckingtastic. You alright?" Dr. Baker raised an eyebrow at me while staring over her glasses. Why the fuck she has glasses on? She's over here looking over her glasses like she see better. I thought glasses was for blind people.

"Your tone indicates otherwise. What's bothering you?" Maya will be a great psychiatrist one day. She's just like Dr. Baker. They both ask too many fucking questions.

"Nothing. I'm really fine. I have nothing to talk about today. I don't even know what the point of having session is right now." Dr. Baker primped her lips before she responded to me again.

"How are you and Maya doing?" What?

"What are you talking about?"

"I saw her at the PESI seminar but I wasn't able to talk to her."

"That doesn't mean I've talked to her or have even seen her for that matter..." I've avoided mentioning that Maya and I are back together to Dr. Baker. When I spoke about her after my OD incident, Dr. Baker began to question if a relationship for me right now was good for my health. She said I should focus on adjusting to being back at home full time and take things one step at a time. Apparently a relationship is the last step according to her, but I think right now is just as good a time as any.

"I know you've seen her Lucas. There's no denying it." I refused to answer the question. She and Dr. Leerman were so eager to send glasses away from me in the first place, now she wants to act as if she gives a shit. I'm not buying it.

"Can we talk about something else? I haven't seen Maya and I don't want to talk about her." Dr. Baker scribbled something down in one of the thousands of notes I'm sure she has on me before she continued.

"Your mum's wedding is coming up soon. Only a few weeks left. How are you coping?"

"What is your angle today? Are you purposely trying to piss me off? You go from one shit topic to another! Can I catch a break? Why can't we just talk about the weather for an hour today? Its unusually warm for September." My hand crunched the papers in my pocket more, subconsciously destroying them when Dr. Baker spoke

"Oh Blake, how can I say if you're ready to live alone if you can't even answer simple questions?" Because what's so simple for her is the most difficult thing in the world for me and after two years of talking to her about it she still doesn't get where I'm coming from! No one does. When she throws the one thing I want besides Maya in my face I know I have to bite the bullet. The paper in my pocket crumbles more.