Almost There

-11 -

About to respond with It's not a date, Mom, Tess stopped herself, realizing that this would, in fact, be a date...her first date ever, outside of sixth-grade class trips to the roller rink. She turned her attention back to her phone to reply to Isaac. She received a reply instantly.

[TESS] That sounds amazing! I'd love to go...been waiting for that movie for ages!

[ISAAC] awesome! when do u think and what time?

[TESS] Saturday afternoon?

[ISAAC] Read my mind!

[TESS] :)

[ISAAC] I have 1 movie theater rule ok

[TESS] ? OK what's that

[ISAAC] it's about popcorn

[TESS] lol, no butter?

[ISAAC] are u crazy? ALL the butter. The rule is just don't judge me by how much popcorn I eat

[TESS] lol! OK, I can manage that

[ISAAC] Don't speak to soon, I may disgust u with my popcorn estimg habits

[ISAAC] eating* the one time I need autocorrect

"What are you giggling at over there?"

Tess looked up at her mom. "Just texting."

"Mmhmm."

[ISAAC] I'll look at the show times and let u know

[TESS] Great I can't wait :) sounds like I will need to buy my own popcorn to get any

[ISAAC] maybe I'll share...............maybe ;)

The car pulled into the driveway of their neat little Cape Cod. Tess picked her bag up and closed her eyes as the car crept into the shade of the single-stall garage. She felt like she was glowing. Talking to Isaac was a departure from the stress and worry of school work and everything else. It was weird; she didn't know him all that well, but she wanted to know him, and the fact that he wanted to spend time with her made her feel special. Noticed.

When she heard the ignition die and the garage door start to come down, Tess opened her eyes and unbuckled her seatbelt and opened her door. Back to reality. "He said he didn't mind an afternoon show. Is it all right if I start some Spanish before we eat?"

"Sure. Dad should be home for supper tonight, so I was thinking we'd eat around 7."

"Great." That would give Tess time to finish Spanish and hopefully make some headway on the research proposal.

The driver's side door swung shut. "Tess?"

Tess paused on her way into the house, her hand on the door knob. "Yeah, Mom?"

"I was thinking we could go driving this weekend. Just around the neighborhood. Maybe in the morning before your movie, when the streets are quieter." Clarette smiled. There was a line that appeared in her forehead when she smiled like that. It was her worry smile.

With a deliberately light tone, Tess said, "Okay...what for?"

"Just to see how it goes." Her mom came around the hood of the car and walked toward her, still wearing that smile.

"You mean, me driving?"

"Just to see how it goes," Clarette repeated. "It's been almost eight months. I thought—"

"It's not long enough, Mom."

Clarette hesitated, and for a second, Tess thought she might drop the subject. But she had always been persistent. "I just thought you might like to drive yourself to school—"

"It's not long enough, Mom." A quiver had entered Tess's voice.

"You're making friends, right? You might want to drive yourself to the movie theater this weekend or do other teenager things, like hang out at the mall."

Tess drew a breath. She let it out slowly. "Nobody goes to the mall to hang out any more."

"Fine. You might want to go to Starbucks and, I don't know, Snapchat each other on Instagram. Will you please think about it? Maybe talk to Dr. Mark, see what he thinks?"

"I don't want to drive." Tess stepped into the back hall of the house, shouldering her bag. "I really don't want to, and I don't want to talk to Dr. Mark about it."

Clarette followed her. Tess heard the door to the garage click closed, and she heard her mother's soft footsteps following down the hall toward her room. "Honey, it scares both of us—"

"Mom!" Tess whirled around to look at her mother, her hand balled into a fist at her side.

"Tess." She stood silent for a moment. "You have your whole life ahead of you. College. A career. If you wait too long...I'm just worried that you might never drive again. You aren't the only one who's afraid—"

"But I'm the only one who killed her sister!"

The silence was complete. Clarette looked like she'd been slapped. Tess felt like she had, too. As soon as the words were out, she regretted them, because although they were true words, they were defensive words; she had instinctively tried to stop her mom's pushing by saying something that would hurt.

Tess drew a deep breath and adjusted the strap of her bag on her shoulder. "I'm not ready."

"Okay, baby."

"Isaac can pick me up. And I can take the bus to school."

"You don't have to take the bus, Tess. I'll drive you."

"Okay. Thanks."

Tess's mom moved toward her. She looked brittle, as if one gentle tap would break her into pieces. As she reached out her arms, Tess lowered her head and accepted the embrace, letting her forehead come to rest on her mom's shoulder.

"I'm sorry for pushing," Clarette said.

"I'm sorry for shouting. I'm sorry for being so scared."

"We're all scared, baby girl. It's okay. We're all scared, and we're just doing the best we can."