Everything Wrong With HARRY POTTER Fanfictions

RomComs

Did you ever have that one friend in your group who seems like a character straight out of a romantic comedy?

No?

Then there's a considerable chance that you are that friend.

And in my friends list, I'm that sort of person.

It really sucks being stuck in this position though. And if you too are a RomCom personification like me, then you have a clear idea what I'm talking about.

Imagine watching a Romantic Comedy with friends/family/siblings and then suddenly the first thought that comes to mind is:

"Holy Crap, this is so much like my life story. Except the fact that I don't have a man who falls in love with me in the end or vice versa, and I can't transform into a Victoria's Secret model just by taking off my spectacles."

What I don't get is how can writers of such movies ever think that having a shitty character like that would be an instant appeal to the hot specimen of the opposite gender?

You know what, if romantic comedies were real and I happened to be in them, any man I met would definitely not confess his eternal love to me after I spill my orange juice on his designer suit.

Contrarily, he's gonna be like: this chick needs to go see a psychiatrist.

And speaking from personal experience, every single male I've worked alongside or spent a few weeks with is nothing like Channing Tatum holding a bouquet of flowers and a diamond ring.

True, just like it is depicted in these movies, I can count on them to show up for the dynamic rescue from some stupid kind of mess I've got myself into, but still there's a big difference.

They're not my guardian angels who would propose at the intermission, they are those people who would high five me and say, "no worries, I'm always gonna be there for you, sis."

So reformatting what's written above: they're my guardian bros with no rings and roses.

Similarly, no one would bother thinking about a total klutz as attractive. If I ever stumbled in front of my crush, you know what he's gonna say?

"Good thing you didn't fall, or else I would have had to pick up this whole pile of books you always seem to carry around."

If a girl like me publicly confessed to being an official idiot, no one would be impressed by the striking honesty of the sentence.

And no chemistry happens while watching a horror movie, okay? Imagine the person next to you equally terrified as you are, then would anyone of you be able to observe the intimacy of the moment?

Believe me, when the person sitting with you on the couch is screaming, the first instinct is to somehow stop the noise.

And the most possible way of doing that is hitting a cushion right in the face.

Not kissing the other's mouth shut.

Tell you what, I get damn pissed off at seeing these RomCom characters.

The weird chick who's secretly beautiful with a great sense of humor that no one apparently notices until Mr Right comes along.

The Mr Flaming Hot who has nothing better to do in the world than observe this weird chick and fall in love with her due to her unbelievable antics.

The one sassy friend who nowadays happens to be a representative of the LGBTQ community just to show that the RomCom supports them as well. Break up, patch up, time kill all these jobs are loaded on the Sassy Friend.

And finally the bitch community who is there to cause havoc wherever the chick and her man go. Usually the leader of this bitch community is the ex-girlfriend or some secret admirer of Mr Hot.

And the most funny and illogical part is when the time comes for the wedding ceremony.

Sometimes, the ring gets lost or either bride or groom bluff up their vows or that Sassy Friend who's the Best Man or Maid of Honor gives a nonsensical speech that seems like a monologue right out of Alice In Wonderland.

And at times the bitch community all end up like bridesmaids shedding tears while holding the bride's gown trail acknowledging that their couple was the best after all and no one can tear true lovers apart.

I mean... Hello? Did the Fairy Godmother get invited at the last minute to the wedding to turn everything glittery sparkly gold with a flick of her wand? Bibbity Babbitty Boo? Really?

When I see romantic comedies and I hear people going all awwww over the cute couple, there's only one thing I wanna blurt out:

"Can you just start looking at the real side of things please?"

***

The above rant was recorded while I was working in the kitchen at night and typed out in the morning.

I'm at my most hilarious version either after midnight or when I'm working all by myself.