sublime [1]

[23] u dont hurt who u love

it was 12:00 on the dot when i looked at my phone's screen.

me:
i'm off for the day
now. where can we
meet?

i sent this text to diego and started the car, not much later he was typing back.

diego gave me the address to his house, which isn't far from where i am now. i headed there and in less than 10 minutes i was texting him, telling i was outside.

i was waiting for a reply when he came out of the front door; he made his way to my car, surrounded it and hopped on the passenger seat. "hi, ma." he says with a gentle smile on his face.

"hey, diego. long time..." i say, faking to be a long time since we last saw each other, which was two days ago.

"yes, like, 48 hours is just so much for both of us, we can't take that much far from each other!" he joked making both of us giggle. "let's go somewhere." he says looking outside.

"where?"

"i don't know." he laughs. he's so natural, if that makes any sense. i love it.

"ok, i think i know a place to go to." i reply and start driving to that playground where i used to go with lana, before both of us got way too busy with life.

"i see... you like outdoors. it's cool." diego comments as we sit on the grass, watching kids play on the playground that was just a few metres away from us.

"yep. i like to see the nature and happy people hanging around."

"maybe they're not happy." he mumbles; i turn to face him.

"what do you mean?"

"maybe they just seem happy, haven't you ever faked a smile?"

"i mean, yes...? shut up i know smiles ain't mean shit, alright? but maybe... they're distracted from their problems, which maybe makes them happy for awhile." i smile like a kid when i look at him, trying to make him understand my thoughts. the two of us look straight, seeing all the people there. adults, kids, babies, adolescents, elders... all the type of people. all in one place with no fights. i mean, besides the kids' silly ones.

"maybe." i roll my eyes as he says and both of us chuckle. "would you like to be a mother?"

"maybe." when i reply, it's his turn to roll his eyes and he looks back at me. "see how annoying it is?" i giggle when i finish speaking. i make myself comfortable and then i lie down on the grass, which will probably leave some dirt on me and my clothes, but that doesn't really matter right now. "i'm not sure. but i don't want a crèche, you know? like, 5 kids would be waaaaay too much for me. i think 3 would be the maximum ever." when i conclude diego shakes his head, and lies down beside me just as i did seconds ago. "what about you?"

"the same as you, i guess. i don't want a whole lotta kids." he lies down while looking to the clean, blue sky.

"have you any reasons?"

"nah, i just think it would be too much trouble." we laugh, "they might come as angels, as well as they might come as little devils; you'll never know, so you can't assure whether it'll be all chill or whether it'll be trouble 24/7." he adds and i nod my head, agreeing with all that he said.

we run out of stuff to say, so we both just keep looking at the sky, which was a beautiful baby blue, the sun was out, but thankfully there was a tree blocking it from us.

"are you and skies back?" he then asked, from nothing. i looked at him, but he kept looking at the sky, so i did just like him, and turned back to face the sky.

"nah."

"but you're all good with him now?"

"kinda." i hope he haven't seen or heard about skies bringing me home yesterday after i went out at 3am.

"so you're just accepting kids you ain't good with inside your house?" he makes an ironic laugh. what the fuck?

"i tried to say no, but after all he's landon's friend and also lana's. i just didn't want to be the killjoy, you know?"

"gotcha. did he ever tell you he loved you?" the only question i have is: why is he asking so much about me and skies while we're having a time together?

what should i answer? maybe when skies said "i love you" he didn't mean it that way. or maybe it was just automatic. maybe he was trying to make things better with this. or maybe, he was just used to say this to the girls he hangs with. "no. i, uh... i mean... yeah, once. but i don't think he meant it." after a long time in silence, i finally answer his question.

"don't wanna hurt you, but i agree with you." he turns around, laying on his side to look at me. "you don't hurt who you love."