Lams One-Shots

A Soldier's Fate (A)

Sorry in advance ;-;

Alexander's POV

I stood in the middle of John's room, looking around as if I'm lost. Everything was still there, nothing out of place or touched. I walked over to the bed, laying down and wrapping myself up with the blanket, bringing it up to my nose, smelling the familiar scent of John's perfume. I curled up and clutched the blanket tighter. I hear footsteps come in, but I didn't move. "Son." I heard Mr. Laurens' voice. I felt the bed shift, a heavy weight being placed on the edge of the bed. "Are you okay?"

I nodded my head slowly, clutching the blankets tighter if possible. Another weight was placed near my head. I felt a hand ruffling my hair in a soothing matter. "It'll be alright, my boy." I heard dad's voice. Tears started forming, remembering that one time at the party. I was too afraid to go inside, social anxiety taking over my whole body. But, he was there. I had him with me, he told me everything will be alright.

I started to quietly cry. I felt arms surround me and pull me on their lap. I looked up and saw dad, cradling my body in a protective manner. Mr. Laurens stood and left us in the room. "I don't know what to do." I shakily admitted, voice fading ever so slightly.

"You can do this son, I know you can." He said, rubbing my bicep to calm me down. I pulled the blanket closer to me. "Do you want me to leave? I won't mind, I know you want to talk to these things in private." I nodded and he kissed my head, putting me back on the bed before going out, locking the door so I won't be disturbed.

I stood from the bed, blanket wrapped around my shoulders and draping on the floor. I saw John's recorder and some tapes marked with 'To Alex <3' on the desk. I sniffed and sat on the chair, playing one tape. 

"Hey Alex." John's voice emerged, making me cry softly. "Don't cry..."  I jumped, but relaxed. I knew John and he would always tell me to stop crying whenever I wasn't with him."Alex, I'm in the hospital right now. I'm hiding under the covers just to record this. I love you and miss you already, I wish I could be there in New York with you." The tape stopped.

I took another one and played it. Everything seemed to be normal, me and him talking, telling stories and just saying sweet things to each other. Until I reached the bottom of the box and saw the last tape. I expected it to be the same as the others, but boy I thought wrong. "Alex..." John was crying, sobbing, heavily breathing. It hurts to hear him like this, it makes me feel weaker than I already am. "I love you... I love you so much Alex, I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you..." I started crying hysterically, hearing his voice repeat those words over and over again, crying and breathing heavily. "I'm right here Alex, I'm right here and I love you. I love you so much. Don't cry baby girl, I love you. I'm sorry, I love you so much."

"Don't say that John." I lost all control of myself, talking to the recorder. "I love you too, we couldn't do anything about it." 

"I'm sorry..."

"John, don't say th-"

"I can't be there for you, I'm so sorry. I love you Alex, more than anything. I wish I have more time." I heard a gunshot, hearing John whimper and breath heavily. I wanted to hold him and hug him for all he's worth, but I can't. "I'm sorry Alex. I'm sorry I have to leave you, I'm sorry I have to be selfish." No, John. Don't say that... "I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. I don't want to leave you, I really don't. I'm sorry baby girl, I'm so sorry." I heard a man scream his name and a gunshot followed suit.

The tape ended, leaving me here on his desk, a crying, grieving, broken mess. I ran to the closet and saw his drawings, all of it. I dragged the box out and took out his art works, mostly had me drawn on the paper. I clutched the papers to my chest and cried like I've never done before. Screaming his name, his nicknames and wishes for him to come back.

All I have is gone. I have lost my only source of life, my only source of hope, the person who built me again when I broke myself. John, I am so sorry my love. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you, it was all because of me. I ruin everything! I ruined you John, I ruined you.

"I'm sorry!" I screamed, seeing a framed picture of John on the shelf, smiling brightly. I looked at it and brought more tears out. "I didn't deserve you! I never should've met you! You could still be here, breathing and laughing like you always do! I'm sorry I had to fall in love and ruin you! I'm so sorry!"

I felt a cold touch on my shoulder, a translucent freckled hand rested at that spot. I felt coldness wrap my entire body, like someone was hugging me. "Don't cry my love" I heard his voice whisper in my ear. "I love you."

That's where I lost it. I collapsed, clutching the picture, drawings, the blanket, his sweater, everything that reminded me of him. I can still remember what he said to me before he left.

"You are everything I need to survive."