How Did You Die?

Interview Twenty-Six

Bluestar is sitting on the floor in front of the camera, wailing with her paws thrown backwards.

Cameracat: *from offscreen* It's not my fault my mate put catmint in my salad! And it's not my fault you stole it!

Bluestar: *wails* But... but I have to go on the show soon! I can't go on looking like this!

Cameracat: I'm sorry! You're lucky the producer is out of town this week... otherwise you'd totally get in trouble for being such an idiot.

Bluestar: Hey, I'm not an idiot.

Cameracat: That's a subjective point.

Bluestar: You're a subjective point

Cameracat: *sighs* Whatever. We're going live in one minute, okay?

Bluestar: *sits up* Do-do I look okay?

Bluestar's fur is sprinkled in what appears to be some type of leaf. Probably catmint. Only StarClan knows where she got it. Her eyes are large, and she appears to be visibly shaking.

Cameracat: Um, totally. *shakes his head.* If this gets me fired, my mate's gonna kill me.

Bluestar: Good *sniff* It's your fault I'm in this situation, after all.

The cameracat sighs and repositions the camera as Bluestar climbs into her chair and forces a smile onto her face. 

Cameracat: Live in three... two... one.

Bluestar yelps and pulls something out of her pocket.

Bluestar: *squinting at the paper* Hello... cats of all Clans. Wel-welcome to How Did You Die?, the famous interview show featuring Bluestar. *meows in surprise* That's me!

Cameracat: *makes a 'go on' motion with his paws*

Bluestar: *nods* Uh.. our guest today is the amazing... Honeyfern.

Honeyfern: *appears out of nowhere*

Bluestar: whAT IN THE NAME OF STARCLAN IS THAT?!?! 

Honeyfern: Pardon me? *climbs into the chair opposite of Bluestar* I'm so glad to be here!

Bluestar's shaking has gotten... more intense. 

Bluestar: Who... who are you?

Honeyfern: I'm Honeyfern. I was a warrior of ThunderClan before... before I died. *stares off into the distance, eyes glazing over*

Bluestar: ThunderClan? Gross.

Cameracat: *whispers* Oh my StarClan. *steps out from behind the camera and onto the screen.* Hi, everyone. I'm Ravenpaw. I'm really sorry for Bluestar today. Let's just say she got into the office's catmint supply. *nervously laughs*

Honeyfern: *squints* Ravenpaw?

Bluestar: Ravenpaw! You betrayed us!

Ravenpaw: *turns around* Not now, Bluestar. This is not the time. We are live. Currently, there are thousands of kits in front of their TVs watching this. And you're high. On catmint. On TV. Live TV. *shakes his head* Why did I agree to this job? I just wanted an extra source of income.

Another Cat: *from offscreen* Bluestar?

Bluestar: *turns around*

The camera pans to show a cat dressed in white with wide, sweet eyes. She's holding a straightjacket behind her back, outside of Bluestar's line of sight.

Cat: Hi, my name's Shroomfoot. Do you want to go on a little walk with me? *tilts her head toward the door.*

Bluestar: *nods vigorously* Of course, of course! I love going on walks. *glances over at Ravenpaw* Is that okay?

Ravenpaw: *is close to tears* Go... go ahead.

Bluestar and Shroomfoot leave the studio. The camera pans back toward Ravenpaw and Honeyfern.

Ravenpaw: I quit. That's it. I'm done.

Honeyfern: Have you turned in your two weeks' notice?

Ravenpaw: *glares at her* Not the time.

Honeyfern: *slowly disappears.*

The camera shuts off.

by rio