How Did You Die?

Interview Twenty-One

Bluestar: Guten Tag! Bonjour! Nihao! Hallo! Konichiwa! Aloha! Yo! And that concludes the languages I'm able to say hello in!

Author: 'Yo' isn't from a language, Bluestar! I think.

Bluestar: *spits* Your mum isn't from a language!

Author: ... Brilliantly delivered. *slow clapping* Now who are you interviewing today?

Bluestar: Oh, yeah, I almost forgot about him. This stupid lump is Berrynose. I'm going to be interviewing him. Unfortunately.

Author: For want of a better word, rude! Wait, Berrynose is dead?!

Bluestar: Well, we're in his dream right now. He just dreamt that he fell down a cliff and died. That's gotta count, right? I'll make my way down to the bottom of the cliff soon; his dream-spirit will be lingering there for a while. *pouts* No one wants to be interviewed by me anymore! Heck, I'm having trouble trying to meet with these cats! I think they're avoiding me!

Author: I wonder why...

Bluestar: I know, right? It's almost as if —

A screech pierces the dreamy atmosphere. "HELP!" (Author: HA, see what I did there?)

Author: What was that?

Bluestar: I... I don't know... y-you know what, I'll just be going now! Nice meeting you, b — *is dragged back by a mystical force* FINE! It's Berrynose. I thought I pushed him off the cliff already, but I guess he managed to hold onto a handle or something.

Author: ... And why would there be a handle on the wall of a cliff? 

Bluestar: Who knows? Dreams are stupid. 

Author: And yet you StarClan cats choose dreams as your main way of communication. 

Bluestar: Hey! It's the best we can do. Sorry, we can't get a telephone and ring the living up. 1. Cats don't have and aren't meant to know about telephones. 2. It'd scare the living daylights out of them. (Author: AHEH, you see what I did there?)

Author: Let's go back to talking about the most important thing right now. Berrynose is hanging from a piece of rock on a cliff —

Bluestar: Handle.

Author: Fine, handle, and it's because you pushed him off?

Bluestar: What? I didn't have anyone to interview. They're all acting like a badger dug out their corpses and peed on them or somethin'! So I had to find a living cat! 

Berrynose: HELP! I'm dying!

Bluestar: *yells back* GOOD! KEEP DOING THAT! I'LL MEET YOUR CARCASS IN A MINUTE!

Author: I. Give. Up :)

Written by Saph! 🍩✨