Ashes to Ashes (BDTW #3)

Chapter 12

The ride to Erudite headquarters was long and extremely silent besides the sounds of the train rocketing against its unstable tracks and the howling of the wind against the carts. Tris and I said nothing, and at some point, I leaned my head against her shoulder, thinking of all the people I'd left behind. There was a weird feeling festering itself within me. All this time, I was fighting, always fighting against going back to Erudite, but why? For most of my life, I craved the sweet release of death. Why was it now, when I could die for a purpose and protect the ones I love, that I was so begrudging on surrendering myself? I couldn't understand it, no matter how I turned the thought around my mind. I was tempted to ask Tris, but she began to stand, and I now saw the lights of Erudite headquarters, and a shiver ran down my spine. It was time. No turning back now. 

We jumped out of the cart, my landing slightly ungraceful, but it didn't matter. And all I could think of was wow, my last time jumping off a train, and I had to fuck it up as well. Those thoughts were rummaging through my mind for the last hour: last this, last that. Did lasts really matter though? 

I didn't have time to debate it as we marched through the mighty front doors of Erudite headquarters. There were Dauntless traitors with blue armbands milling around the lobby with guns as long as my forearm strapped to their chests, and I snarled at them, for their unloyalty, how they could betray the people that supported them, gave them shelter an life and taught them everything they knew. How could people just turn away from their factions? How could such betrayal lay within them?

Tris and I just stood there in the middle of the lobby, waiting for somebody to notice us, and when nobody did, Tris marched up to the front desk and slammed her hand down. Immediately, eyes raised to us, and in a matter of seconds, we were surrounded, barrels of guns pressing into the back of my skull, and there were shouts and yells and screams, but I couldn't see anything but feet and black uniforms, and then the butt of a gun slammed into the back of my head, and my vision sank to black. 

+ 

When I woke up, I was back in my cell. For a second, I thought I was dreaming, but then I remembered what'd happened. I'd marched here willingly. I'd given myself up to Erudite. No, this wasn't a nightmare, this was my haunting reality. 

I touched a hand to my throat and felt the device that'd tortured me time and time again back where it was, and a tight, stinging sensation overtook my throat. No, I would not cry. Not my first day back. I would be strong and I would defy these bastards. 

Once I was seated upright, I saw that they'd added another bed: there lied Tris across from me, still asleep, and a wave of gratitude washed over me. I wasn't alone. At least through this hell, we'd have each other. And just when I thought this may not be awful as I thought, the door opened, and there stood the man that haunted my dreams to this day.

"Eric," I said dryly, leaning back against the wall as that wave of desperation hit me all over again. 

"Carter Eaton," he mused, strolling into the room, his arms crossed and a smug smirk on his face. "You honestly don't know how wonderful it is to see you again."

"I really can't say the same for you," I replied lowly, keeping aware of the distance that separated us. I would never let him anywhere within six feet of me ever again.

"Well, that's unfortunate because you'll be seeing a lot of me in the next two weeks. And I'll also have a front row seat at your execution. I'll make sure I'm the last thing you'll see before your heart stops."

A pulse of nausea ran through me, not only at the thought of Eric's menacing eyes being my last vision before death, but also at the thought of my execution. I still couldn't wrap my head around it.