Ashes to Ashes (BDTW #3)

Chapter 3

Hey guys,

I know I've been really neglecting wattpad lately, but it's been a really hard few weeks preparing for the end of the year, you guys know that school can be really demanding. Here's an update. It's not much, not very long or interesting for that matter, but it's a filler chapter that needs to happen and I hope you (kind of) enjoy it :)

CHAPTER 3

When I was three, I could barely speak but I had the idea of what a family was. I knew my mother was my mother and my brother was my brother yet my father was kind of a question mark. Evelyn kept saying, "Who's this?" and pointing at my brother, and when I wouldn't answer, my brother would tickle me and say, "I'm Tobias." I didn't know how to pronounce his name, and my failed attempts resulted in me always saying. "T'Bass." From then on, the nickname Bass just stuck. It was my first memory I could ever remember.

Then there were times where I'd fall and scrape my knee and he would always be there, telling me that it was just a small little cut and everything would be okay. Then he'd put me up on his shoulders and run out in the fields behind the small park and I'd laugh until I cried and my stomach hurt. I loved my brother so much. When Marcus said he was going to kill him... I couldn't bear it. I had to find a way around it.

Anything for my brother. No matter what.

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I knew I'd told myself to be strong. It was just really hard.

Laying in a dark corner didn't help anything either. I just wanted to curl up in an unknown dark room for the rest of my life and hide. Maybe if no one could find me all my problems would disappear.

God, I wasn't even making sense anymore.

I thought of going back to Erudite a few times. Leaving everyone here. Maybe Jeanine would even give me the pleasure of killing me after she got whatever she desperately searched for. What if she was doing the right thing? Did we even know her half of the story, the truth to why she wanted to figure out the key to Divergence? What if everything she was doing was actually for the greater good? Then I remembered Dana's fingers crushing beneath my feet and I pushed the thoughts away instantly.

I should've talked to him after the truth serum. I should have said something. Explained things. Instead, being the horrible person I was, I left like a coward. I didn't even get the time to tell Miles and Clarke about what Patch had done. What kind of person was I, to just drop bombs like that and run for cover? Obliterating everything in their wake, causing grief and confusion and tragedy as my words engraved themselves in their hearts without showing the true meaning to what they meant. A dictionary with words but no definitions.

Finally I took a deep breath and stood up, brushing off the gravel on my hands on my black pants. I had to find a new change of clothes before someone started complaining of their stench. I made my way back through the maze of back hallways, just following wherever the noise came from. It'd been a few hours since the serum, which meant it was probably around dinner time. People must've been eating.

I strolled, thankfully unnoticed, into the large cafeteria filled with low chattering and the clanking of dishes as the forks irritably scraped across the glass plates. There was no line up. I got my food, chicken and vegetables, and sat down at an empty. No point in looking for Bass before we've patched things up. It'd just be awkward. I quickly shoveled the food in my mouth, downed a glass of water, then brought my tray back to the counter. Stuffing my hands inside my pockets, I scanned the cafeteria until I found my brother.

He was already watching me with a careful, steady gaze. He leaned over to whisper something in Tris's ear to which she nodded. He gave her a delicate kiss on the forehead then stood and walked toward me. I hadn't realized I was holding my breath until my lungs began to burn.