Ashes to Ashes (BDTW #3)

Chapter 9

I didn't wake up in an infirmary or anything like that. In fact, I woke up just a few seconds later just as a fight was broken up. There were two looming figures, from what I could see, one that had shoulder length golden brown hair, the other with short bright orange. Why they were fighting, I didn't know, but I stood up anyway, ignoring the throbbing pain in my ribs and my neck, which seemed to remain in a single stiff position. 

"You okay?" Bass asked from behind me, and from the slight change of his facial expression, I knew I probably had some sort of bruise on my face. 

"Fine," I muttered, before Bass stepped up and ripped the two duelers apart before they destroyed each other. Their conversation and intentions seemed clearer now. 

"Why can't we just give her over!" The orange haired one bellowed, pointing briefly towards me with a menacing scowl etched into his face. 

Jackson seemed appalled by the thought, as did my brother who stood beside him. "We left that fucking faction because they were going to hand her over. That's not who we are. Dauntless don't take the easy way out, because it is the coward's way out. We're giving them what they want and what they need to destroy our city. Do you really want that? To make Jeanine even more powerful?" 

The whole training room seemed to go quiet now, and rightfully so. People needed to clue in that I wasn't staying back just because I was afraid to confront the Erudite. No, if I could, I'd storm that fucking place and rip it down, brick by brick, with my bare bloody hands. I stayed because I knew that if they got the results they needed from me, which they were going to get if I handed myself over, they'd be unstoppable. They would have total control over the population, Divergent or not. I wasn't going to let that happen any time soon. 

"Everyone here needs to know," Jackson raised his voice now, "that we're not keeping Carter from them, just because she's our friend, just because she's Four's sister." Heartbreaking that he didn't mention the fact that I was also his girlfriend. But then a stabbing pain reminded me that I wasn't, not anymore. "She's still here because she will make the Erudite stronger. She will give them what they need to take over the whole city. Is that really what you all want? For Erudite to have supreme rule over us all?" Silence met those words, his voice boomed into the cracks of the walls, it was so powerful. "I didn't think so. So quit acting as if it's an option. The answer is no." After a brief pause, he told us all, "Practice in pairs and fight with Four's supervision." Without another word, he kept his gaze lowered as he left the room. 

+   +   +  

Later that night, after a well-deserved nap on Bass's couch and an ice back for the bruise spreading across my ribs, Tris handed me clothes, towels and soap and ordered for me to get myself cleaned up. I knew why she was asking this of me, but I prayed that it wasn't what I was expecting. I didn't want to celebrate tonight. If anything, I just wanted to eat a bunch of junk, cry into a pillow for a few hours, then fall asleep, without being disturbed, but I guess you just can't get what you want in life. 

After scrubbing up in a needed shower, I let my hair, which was now falling just below my shoulders, loose to dry, and scanned the clothes that Tris left me. Of course, it was a dress, but  it was long sleeved and knee length, thank God, nothing like the things that most girls wear around here. They look as though they're second skins. She also left me a tube of mascara, which would hopefully brighten up my exhausted complexion. When I looked at my face, into my eyes, I saw the ghost of a girl that used to be. An improvement on who I was in Abnegation, but I don't think any forms of myself will compare to that sweet radiance I held during those weeks of training that left me happy and in shape. I'll never be that girl again. 

But, it's time to suck it up, smile, and try to be her, no matter how hard it is, because that's how you get through life. Moping's just gonna get me back on my ass again.