The Rebel's Heart (BLACK SLAYERS Vol. 3) (COMPLETE)

11. Gravestone

Lee's POV

I need to get out of this place. Kailangan ko na munang magpalamig. Mamaya ko na kakausapin si Les kapag pareho ng malamig ang ulo namin. Naiinis ako sa sarili ko. I let my emotions controlled over me. I am a reasonable person at hanggang kaya kong magtimpi, iyon ang gagawin ko.

I told my secretary that I need to go out. Tawagan na lang niya ako kung may mga importanteng kailangang pirmahan. Pero saan naman ako pupunta?

I drove around because I have no where to go. I know my friends are busy with their lives. Lars is fixing some issues with Maddie. Nadadalas ang away ng dalawang iyon dahil sa desisyon ni Maddie na magtrabaho uli and Lars is totally disagreeing. Kyle is busy with Ciara. They need to catch up those years that they missed each other. Si Vlad naman siguradong busy sa mga babae niya. Sino kaya ang pinagkakaabalahan ngayon?

I found myself in front of the tomb of my wife. Good thing there is no one in the cemetery but me. When was the last time I visited her? I can't remember because this is the first time that I come here after she died. After so many years, ngayon lang ako nagkalakas ng loob na puntahan ang puntod niya. First, I was banned by her family. Kahit sa wake niya hindi ako nakapunta. Second, hindi ko kaya na puntahan si Louraine kasi pakiramdam ko para na rin akong pinapatay dahil hanggang ngayon parang hindi ko pa rin matanggap na wala na siya.

"Hi Lou. How are you?" I sat in front of her gravestone. Tinanggal ko ang mga dahon na naroon para makita ko ang buong pangalan niya.

Louraine Carol Ruiz Alba
Born: April 15, 1991 - Died: October 2, 2008
A daughter. A sister. A friend.

A wife. They forgot to put there that she was a wife to me.

Pakiramdam ko ay pinipiga ang dibdib ko habang binabasa ko ang nakasalulat na iyon sa lapida niya.

"Sorry if it took me nine years to visit you. I just don't have the courage to go here and see you. Kasi talagang parang isinasampal sa mukha ko na wala ka na."

Kung may nakakarinig sa akin, iisipin na nababaliw na ako kasi nagsasalita akong mag - isa. Pero wala akong pakielam. Doing this is giving me some peace.

"This is very hard for me. Because I keep on fooling myself that you are not dead. Iniisip ko na lang na itinago ka lang ng parents mo sa akin. Sana nga ganoon na lang ang nangyari. Sana nga nagtatago ka lang. But I know, you are not coming back," I felt a lump on my throat.

"I am lost, Lou. Eversince that you're gone. I don't know what else to do. My heart is full of anger. Pakiramdam ko sasabog na ako. It was only you that can calm me," sabi ko.

"I went home. Dad had a heart attack. Everybody was happy that I come back. Si dad, si mommy, su Lei. But my brother, you know my relationship with him. I lost it earlier, Lou. Muntik ko na siyang masaktan. Good thing Katrina was there." I took a cigarette from my pocket and lit it. Para kasi talaga akong kakapusin ng paghinga.

"She really looks like you, Lou. But I know she is not you. Ibang - iba ka sa kanya," at humithit ako sa hawak kong sigarilyo. "I miss you so much."

"Lee?"

Napalingon ako sa nagsalita sa likuran ko. Isang babae iyon at may bitbit na bulaklak. She is familiar. Saan ko nga ba siya nakita?

"Lee, its me. Eunice. Adopted sister ni Lou," pakilala niya.

Yeah. Now I remember her. Minsan kasi isinasama ito ni Louraine noon kapag tumatakas siya sa parents niya. Hindi ko siya nakilala kasi ibang - iba na siya. Dalagang - dalaga na. How old is she now? Twenty - four? Twenty - five? Hindi naman sila nagkakalayo ng edad ni Louraine.