Confused » Jelsa AU

44

Elsa Winters

I watched the clear blue sky turn dark. The sunrays had slowly dispersed through the clouds, leaving a speckle of orange, violet, and yellow hues splattered onto the skies as if it was a canvas. The sight of the skies that changed colors was beautiful but it would be more beautiful if I were to watch it with him.

Dragging the sheets up to my chest, I snuggled unto its warmth as I tried to relieve the feeling of emptiness within me. I've been lying here for the past hour and the anger that was boiling inside me had faded away. It instead was replaced with a wave of sadness. Hearing their laugher that echoes throughout the apartment, hurts more than the blade that I had ran through my wrist when I was young. I always thought that I knew the true definition of pain yet I never do ever since I found him enjoying her presence.

Yes, I am jealous-- envious even.

Now, I lay here in tears regretting on why I had let her stay with us. If I only listened to Jack, I would be the one who's laughing along with him. I would be the one who's sitting on the couch with my legs atop his thighs as we watch those melodramatic Spanish telanovelas. I would be the one who's singing along to the hymns of the radio while he danced to the rhythm.

God, a single day with her in this household and it already felt like hell. How would I even survive a month?

I don't think I can.

If I had the guts, I would go to the balcony in which the two had decided to have their date and push them off the railings. I would rather have their bones dislocated and their bloods smearing the ground below than hearing their laughter.

"I simply adore you, Astrid Bjorgsen" Their loud chattering resounds through the thin walls of his bedroom and the livingroom slaps me everytime, letting me know that she would always be a better person than I am.

Why did he even decided to just have dinner with her in this fucking apartment? There are thousands of places that they could go--why here?

Is he trying to hurt me because he's becoming impatient for my answer?

Another batch of traitorous tears had dared to roll down to my cheeks and soaking these white pillows of his. After making me feel special and wanted for months, he then, left me with a gaping hole in my heart. It's funny how he always makes me confued towards me sexuality and even my sanity.

I could still remember him saying my name and telling me that he loves me. I, a dumb lesbian, let herself believe on his made-up thing called 'love'.

I felt myself doze into a light nap and was only interrupted when I heard the footsteps from the outside of the door. Thoughts raced into my mind-- including Freddy Kruger who wants to get in to the thoughts of Astrid having her legs wrapped around Jack's waist as they trudged their way to this bedroom.

The second thought made me burst into tears. Again.

The door has been opened and I knew he's standing by the doorway, his gaze focused onto me. I rubbed the tears away with my knuckles and adjusted my position, to the point where he couldn't even get a glimpse of my pathetic face.

"Do you need something?" I asked.

He hadn't said something and instead I heard the door being closed. I thought he walked away, deciding to leave me yet he chose to stay.

I inhaled sharply, letting my fingers run through the tangled mess of my hair. "Do you need something?" I asked, more stern than the tone I had used earlier.

"Fuck, have you been crying?" His question made my heart clench. I swallowed, fisting the sheets and lifting them up to cover my face. After his question, he spoke no more yet I felt the bed dip down due to the weight of his body. I could feel him beside me. His breath fanning against my cheek despite the blanket that served as the barrier of him and I.

"Did I hurt you--"

"Of course you did, asshole." I responded immediately. Drawing the blanket down to my chest and uncovering my face, I had gathered all my courage to yell at him. "Tell me about Astrid. Tell me about all the made-up stories she told to get your attention. Was she good?" I demanded, causing his eyes to widen at my sudden outburst.

He didn't responded and to my surprise, he wrapped his arms around me while his head buried onto the crook of my neck. I laid there, unable to process the whole happening since my heart was beating rapidly in both surprise and anger.

"I just wanted to get your reaction because I am starting to doubt that you would no longer like me." He whispered.

"Once I said that I like you, I mean that." I snapped angrily at him.

"I was feeling insecure when she came here. You two had a past relationship and it could happen again." His grip around mine tightened. We both lay there in silence. I was still angered by his foolish actions. His intentions was to make me jealous to know if I still have the feeling of liking towards him.

"I did that not only to make you jealous but I'd rather have her infatuated with me than her becoming infatuated with you... again."

"Now, that's the dumbest move that I've ever heard." I commented, rolling my eyes in annoyance.

"It may be the dumbest move but that's my greatest fear; your ex-girlfriend that you loved so dearly-- and I don't know if you still have feelings for her-- will show up and take you." He mumbled. "I don't want that."

"For fuck's sake, are you a child to act like this?" I shot back.

"Elsa, I--"

"What? You're sorry? You'd rather have your mouth sewn shut because I won't accept any apologies." With that, his grip around me loosened until he no longer held me to his chest which made my heart drop. I sound like a hypocrite for I never want him to leave, I just want him to woo me back again.

"No, Elsa. I'd rather apologize a thousand time than to have my lips sewn shut and never tell you that I'm sorry." He responded weakly. "I am sorry for being inconsiderate towards your feelings. I am sorry for acting childishly. I am sorry for doubting. I am sorry for making you feel this way. I love you." I felt his lips brush lightly against my cheek which, somehow, brought a tiny smile on my lips.

"I will be sleeping on the couch. If you need anything, just approach me--"

"No, I forbid you and you're not going anywhere else. You don't have any choice but to sleep beside me." Although I was not facing his direction, I could feel the smile growing on his face as he happily complied.

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"I did that not only to make you jealous but I'd rather have her infatuated with me than her becoming infatuated with you... again." (heres some explaining just in case your having troubles in comprehending)

jack would rather have astrid falling for him than her falling for elsa. why? because he worries that once astrid falls back in love with elsa, elsa could choose astrid over him since he feels like shes still attracted to astrid(even though she no longer has feelings for astrid).

some of you might find elsa overreacting but shes the type of person whos really possessive and gets overly jealous on little things(which is not healthy, by the way)

Anyways, I feeling a happy because my days in hell had ended and all we did now is practicing for the upcoming ceremony because i will be in the senior year this next schoolyear...

I hope you enjoyed this chapter and expect for more jelsa fluff on the next updates!

Love yall!