I'll Be Holding on to You

Mara

I smoked as I followed her to her place, a little yellow and white house at the end of a road on the outskirts of the city. Private but not totally isolated. How sad is it that my first thought was someone would definitely hear me if I had to scream.

I shook it off and followed her inside. The white and yellow theme continued. It smelled like potpourri and her and was clean and colorful. Framed paintings and photographs of birds and quotes hung everywhere. It was like an extension of her tattoos. There were either real birds somewhere or a meditation track playing. 

There seemed to be more windows than walls, which was cool. Gauzy white curtains hung over some, just enough to provide privacy but not mess with the light. "This is beautiful," I said. "You did all this?"

"Nothing big," she said modestly. "I have a trust fund so I'm lucky. No roommates, no real money worries. I mean I don't spend money like crazy or anything. But I like nice things, and I can afford them, so . . . " Dimples and a shrug.

I followed her into the living room, where two large cages held birds. "Hi, my darlings," she said to them, going to the first cage which held two cockatiels, then to the other where a pair of chittering blue and green parakeets went crazy. She put a strand of millet in each cage and they fell to.

A huge TV was mounted on the wall. I was mostly drawn to the large saltwater aquarium along one wall. "You do not have a seahorse," I said, spotting it. The bubbling water was soothing.

"Two of them, actually," she said, coming to stand next to me, close enough to touch. She reached out and pointed to a waving plant. "The other one's there, see?"

I didn't really care at that point, hyperaware of her proximity, but I pretended to. "Cool."

She straightened. "Can I get you something to drink or eat or smoke or . . . ?" She gestured at the red couch, which was perfect in the room. Some of the paintings had red frames. One of the framed quotes said:

burn all the things you have to burn
save all the people you have to save

I sat. "No drink drinks," I said, just to get it out of the way. I couldn't trust myself under any kind of influence. "But what else do you have?"

"Pretty much everything, since Gage gives me a case of mixed bottles like every week."

I thought of the Love Potion Number 9 joke and bit my lip to hide my smile. "Sure, root beer's great if you have it."

"I do." She disappeared into the kitchen. I tried to pat down my flyaway hairs and worried that I had mascara where it shouldn't be or that I was going to say or do something dumb beyond belief. 

Then she was back and handing me a frosty bottle and sitting next to me. "Food?" I shook my head. "Want to watch a movie?" She tucked one foot under herself, her leg smooth and long.

"Sure. What do you have?" I drank some of the root beer and it was delicious.

"What do you like?" She laughed. "Okay, double entendres aside, just so you know it's all on you tonight. I'm not going to do anything to scare you away so whatever you want, goes." She clinked her bottle of cream soda against mine. "Just do whatever feels comfortable. I'm not in any hurry."

I respected her for that. "Thanks."

"Of course I'm also down for whatever so please don't feel shy," she added with a sly smile. She pulled a giant black DVD case from under the couch and unzipped it, spreading it on the table. It was full of DVDs. "These are the best ones I have," she said.

We watched Mars Attacks because it was a movie I loved and I didn't have to concentrate on it. She ended up loading the table with chips, dip, guacamole, crackers, cheese, and olives. All of it organic and delicious. "You and Evie will get along," I observed when the movie was over. "She's all about organic."