little noah (d gray man fanfic)

broken heart

                                                     

                                                      Reaper’s POV

I held Rose in my lap as everyone ate. I didn’t touch my food. I wasn't hungry. Three days, thats how long its been since the incident. and though I want revenge my heart still hurts. It hurts more than it ever had before. Even more then when Mommy left. And even more than when I was alone for so many years. My eyeless socket dripped blood every once in a while. Today Road was going to take me to the doctor doll maker to get me a new glass eye. She says I can have anyone I want! Even if it looks like my old one did. But I have a specific one in mind.

After we all ate. Or well everyone but me Road touched my shoulder and started steering me towards her heart shaped door. Daddy stopped her dressing my in a shale. He said it was chilly today and didn't want me to get cold. We then left for London. It was winter and the doll maker was farther than we thought. It was across town. But after walking for a while we finally got there. This man was human. Normal and kind. He smiled a lot and I saw he had been hurt a long time ago from scars on his face. He too had a missing eye but his was replaced by an over sized doll eye. He walked up and knelt down to my level and put his hands on both my shoulders.

"Hello dear one, may I see your socket? I need to see the size you need."  I  handed rose to Road and took off my matching eye patch opening my bleeding eye as I had opened the wound again. Road sighed and cleaned the blood before it fell on to my pretty dress. I was then sized with eyes of various colors. I got to pick 4 different ones. The first one was my normal color. A bright blue. The next was the one I wanted to most. It was a bright vibrant red I put in immediately after it was handed to me. The other 2 were of random that I didn't care for.  

Road payed for them with money Millenie gave her and we walked through the town. It was quiet. Most weren't out because of the cold. The ones that were, were in buildings and cafe's warming up. People looked at my eye in fear and hate. The eye moved like my other did and acted normal enough. Rose rested in my arms. iI could hear her talk to me now. She would tell me to kill them all. ‘All these annoying humans that hated and scorned you right now.’ I would giggle and hug her closer whispering a graceful.

"Not yet Rose hehe not yet." Road looked shocked the first time but now she was used to me talking to Rose. Rose was my only friend I could talk to. Road was off on more missions day by day. Jasdevi, Lulu Bell, everyone was away and no one understood.

                                                       >(@three months later@)<

I wasn't allowed on missions. They said I was too important to leave. Not after what happened last time. Often times I stayed in my room. Playing with Rose and breaking my other dolls. Ally, Temry, John, Alexandra, all broken. I stepped on their chests, heads mostly, Allen I still have. He was Rose’s favorite male doll I had. I broke him special. I cracked were his heart was. He looks like Allen-nii so, I named him after him. He had white hair I cut short, and red eyes. He wears a coat that has a mini rose in the pocket. the rose it blue like roses, roses.

Daddy says he gets worried that I stay in my room so much. I hear him talk to Millenie about me going with him to his other job at he mines for some air and new people. Millenie says it is too dangerous. My scythe is back in my body now. Sometimes it comes out and changes form. I found it does this because of something my dark mater. I call him Kurai. It means dark in japanese.

Kurai often comes out and plays the part of Allen when we play dolls. Rose likes him but hates it when anyone but me holds her. My heart hurts when Rose doesn't talk and Kurai is sleeping. Often times it happens at the same time and this is when I break. Its when most of my dolls get broken and blood gets shed. My blood that is. Road calls them tantrums and that every Noah goes through the stage where we have them.

I just want someone to hug me and tell me they understand. Please. Help me understand. What did I do wrong? Please. Please don’t leave me , alone.